Well, hi. I know it's been awhile. I'm not sure why. Maybe because when I write a post it is so draining, therapeutic I think, but very draining. So I have been hiding from it. But, here I am with an update ..weird, I still feel like whatever I write is an update about Jed...I guess it's because he is always, always with me, well and also maybe because I live in that pretend bubble a lot. Whatever, I am here to update..aahhh, blogs they fill that need to tell everyone everything because I am that exciting... :)
So, lets see, I said I would talk about hats...nope I did not forget. Shocker..So let's start with this...Jed in his Skunk Train hat. He was 3 when we went to CA.

Ahh that face...do I smile or sob...they seem so similar now..

So...fast forward 10 years and here is Jett trying on "the hat"...not quite ready but getting there....

Like I said, not quite yet. Since this one does not fit and he had to have a hat to go to the pool...(Jed would say "duuhhh") ....I made a hat...my first hat...

Not too shabby! he likes it so that's all that matters. He doesn't know that I really don't know how to sew...I call it fake sewing, I fake it, pretend I can sew! Just don't look too close!
That hat led to a hat for Jordan....

It has a turtle on it...because turtle "tastes like chicken" ask Jordan, he will tell you.

That hat led to one for Jase with a mushroom, Hudson with a crab and one for someone to give as a gift with a turtle..

those hats led to this one...this is a bad-ass hat...and of course it's for Zaiden :)

I even made a label :)
I have 2 other hats that I made, one with a pink bird and a white one with stars...have no clue what I will do with those!
That's all I have about hats. It was a thing for a few days.

We have been spending time at the pool, Felton Bay Area Swim Club....

Party'n with the party animals.


We went to Carlisle and had dinner with some friends, the awesome Sara Liberte and the very cool Rick Markko. She is a bike builder, photographer, runs a web-site called garage girls and does interviews and broadcasts for Rally TV. She is also just an all around wonderful person. She donated a fab photo for the luncheon. Mr. Rick Markko...a terrific guy and the Events Coordinator at Carlisle Events ..who donated a 2012 season pass to Carlisle! They have car shows, bike fest...tons of stuff it is a very cool donation.

Thanks to both of you for your continued love and support. Your friendship means so much to us and thanks for introducing us to more wonderful people! We had a blast.

Jed with all the loot Sara and Rick collected from Bike Fest 2009 when I was in the Garage Girls "Biker Makeover" and Jed was too sick to come. The bag they sent to him was so stuffed it took forever to get it all out!!! He loved it.

Last evening we spent a few hours with some people we love more than the world celebrating an event a long time coming. I have no words for what this family means to us...

I officially present to you
Jordan Ben Smith

Pete Trish and Jordan Smith (my chunka love) and see the orb?? Jordan's big brother Jackson was there showing his love, approval and happiness.

ohhhhhhh...if you ever question why it is sometimes too hard for me to write the picture up above says it all.

I remember when Trish and Pete were just starting the path that ended with Jordan. Jed was always asking me what was happening with their foster parent stuff. I told him what I knew but he always wanted more info. Trish came to visit and Jed says, in his grown-up voice, "So, Trish, what's happening with your foster parent classes and paperwork and stuff? What else do you have to do?" AHHH, I said "JED, maybe that's personal." of course Trish laughed and answered the question. After she left Jed said to me, "the kid that gets them has won the parent lottery".
After Jordan came he told me, "I think they won the kid lottery too." :) Oh Jeddie...my love such a smart man.

big sigh....

ok, next, plans for the luncheon are rolling along. We have tons of cool raffle prizes (York county Pizza a week for 8 weeks package...just one of many cool things) some great silent auction items....like a Kindle!! oh and an outdoor movie package, they come set up a 16' screen, and speakers you just provide the movie...very cool birthday party idea!

Everyone is working hard pounding the pavement for donations and help. Grace, Pappaw, Hop and Mindy are the "faces" of our foundation in the public! Every business in the area knows at least one of them! We are still looking for Silent auction items,,,pass it on!

Danny is now on the crap shift 7:30pm -6am...on the line, in the heat...hell. So glad I am not there. He will be out by the end of August...good and bad I think. Nothing like starting over at 58. I want him to bartend,,,,then I will have somewhere to hang out...because oh yes...it IS all about me ya know :)
But while he is still employed he is spreading the word...
Jed is making the rounds on the FL line at Harley Davidson!

Tickets are for sale at the top of this page, on the Foundation blog , or through any of us. We really really hope to see all of you on August 27th. It will be a great time.....REALLY!! and besides $20 bucks for food, music and great company. You can't beat it!

Come help us remember our Jed.... Jed is part of everybody & has touched many. By coming to the luncheon you are helping to spread his wonderful spirit. Your participation will make it possible for us to support families fighting the battle against childhood cancer, bringing awareness and finding a cure. Like I said....how can you not? :)

Savannah is busy, busy. She is still working at Lion's Pride, interning to Cassandra Storm photography and she is interning at Mike Asherman painting...with my friend Mickie (who by the way makes the best homemade had lemonade in the world). On top of all of that she has turned into an overnight portrait photographer! It started with Jordan and has just exploded! She posts most on her blog, check them out...(I know you already do). I am amazed and she is Fabulous! We are on the countdown for her big move. Happy Valley watch out! She moves August 15th. I am so excited to see what comes next. I know I have probably said it a million times but since the day she was born I have always been anxious to see what she would do next! There is never a dull moment. She is going to have so much fun. Well, after she gets settled into her routine....we know what change and upheaval does to her! The best part....she has a futon in the living room aka my bed. :)

Well I think that's all for now. I always think of these random weird things that I contemplate writing about. When I am mowing the lawn or sewing hats...or staring into space...but be glad I don't write all that....you'd be weirded out. I did see something the other day, just a statement someone wrote down somewhere, that has stuck with me.
I get these urges to just tell parents this...then in my head it leads to a whole thing where they decide to give me their kid, yada yada..anyway...see weird stuff But here it is to those parents out there working hard doing the day to day grind please remember, you CHOSE to have your children, they did not force you to have them. It's not about you...at all. It's all about them...it's your job and you wanted it....

"remember you are not managing an inconvenience, you are raising a human being."

Kittie Frantz

Consider that my PSA for the week. So, parents, sorry your tired or your job sucks or whatever, drink your coffee, put on your big person pants and be the parent!!!!
Big Sigh...I feel better now :)

The 2 human beings I have been privileged to help raise are the most amazing people. They are changing the world!

Baby Jed...the missing is still getting bigger and bigger. People say "it doesn't get easier it just gets different." Well, the "different" is "harder"..that's what is different. There are no words to describe it.
Mommy Loves you......always
Love J & K

Shout outs :).......
Happy Birthday Jase...the big 5!! wow
Congrats on the very cool NFL job Kait...show'em how it's done!
Sharon, how do you do all you do and still get straight A's?
Strittmatter...I need dessert.
Mickie...I love you :)

Hi, ya'll. This is not a real post. It's just a post to tell you there will be a post soon. When Savannah sends me the pictures of Jett in a hat I will post and talk about hats. :) I also haven't written anything because I feel as if I am just repeating myself, I miss Jed, I am miserable, faking it everyday is exhausting and knowing it will never be fixed is a nightmare. No one needs to hear (read) that all the time. I don't want to spread the negativeness and sadness. Soooo, all about hats soon. (don't get too excited, it's not that terribly interesting!)

Jeddie......it's just too much..
Mommy Loves you.forever
Love J & k

Hi, so I know I should be writing but it is becoming a chore for some reason. I guess because I really don't have anything to say that I haven't said a million times in the last 18 months. Yes, it has been 18 months since I have seen my son, held his hand, touched his face and watched him breath. Sunday was 18 months. It is no easier, nothing is better. I just keep on pretending life is tolerable...I'm sure I suck at it but I keep doing it anyway.
Sunday started off hard, I almost decided to stay home. I am glad I didn't. We spent the day at Grace and Jim's in Jed's pool. Meg was there with the boys, my parents came and Adam, Tiersa and the Mac were there too. It was a nice cook-out, pool party kinda thing.

We took Jett swimming...


The Mac & Jase played in the creek...Hop too...

Yes he is in the creek with a cane...

Jase was his charming self...


and Jett did what Jett does...hang out and be cool...


Last night was the Red Lion fireworks...I refused to participate but Danny stood in our road and watched..


The fireworks were always a Jed & I thing...we walked up to the high school if he felt well enough or we drove if it was too much of a walk...every year since we moved to Red Lion in 2002..
2008 at Horn Field with the Dietz's

Last week was Grace's birthday so on Saturday evening Meg and Jer had dinner for her and we were invited...

Jett was the life of the party :)


Grace's birthday 2009...Jed was singing to her..


The pool 2007..






The pool 2009....

SO even though I refuse to participate in the festive firework crap we did have a nice weekend...thank you McWilliams people :)

I have one sunflower in the back yard and it, like most of the other stuff was not planted...it just appeared..

Everything in the back yard is going like crazy..we even have an alley garden! Pumpkins and tomatoes...yes I dump old plants and pumpkin parts back there!
Anyway so that was our weekend...oh wait, on Friday Danny and I went for a ride and then we went to a message circle with Francine Milano...she looks at us and says.."why is your son showing me little wheels, not roller skate wheels...no not skateboard wheels, what are these little wheels?" I said....his scooter...she then said "yes he is scootering everywhere." ! He also told her to tell us that he is very proud of his sister and there is another big award in her future this year...wow!

Danny is back to work tomorrow and I have class tomorrow night. I better check my online PE class...I have trouble remembering that thing.

Jed, I am trying...I really am but it is exhausting and sometimes I want to quit..but I don't..because I know you wouldn't. I miss you beyond words...every second.

Mommy Loves You...always
Love J & K

A big special HOORAY to Danny Durling of upstate NY. He finished treatment last week and had his port out!!! Yeehaw !!!