Don't know why I picked this picture...

I just like it.
I am exhausted...I know poor me, tired from vacation...but I really am wiped out. I am skipping my morning class tomorrow. I have a project due..and I am not finished. Yes, that is the cowardly thing to do but tomorrow isn't actually my presentation just he general "due date" for the project. I will go for my other classes but just not that morning one.
I studied all day for my business law class then I went with Savannah to the mall. She needed clothes for Jaz viewing and service. Tomorrow evening is the viewing. Savannah is going with the family. I will go with her on Thursday to the service. After the mall we went to the Cope's for Jaz's little brother's birthday. We had ice cream cake :)
It's almost 10 now. I have WORK to do but what am I doing??? Not the work obviously. I really would quit if there was something else for me to do. Next week I have 3 finals on one day. :(
Oh Holly....how Jed loves you..

Look at those smiles! Yes this picture is completely random but they are so smiley.
Good night baby Jed. Missing you...really missing you. Coming home is SOOOO hard. I am tired of doing this, tired of fighting to get through the days, tired of the emptiness. Of course I will keep trying but I am tired. Thinking of your fight and your strength, if you could do what you did I can at least try to do what I need to do...I guess. Mommy Loves you Sweet potato
Love J & K

Back to real life....boooo. It was something like 25 degrees this morning. So unnecessary. I swear my plane landed and my tan faded immediately. Danny said last night as he was getting into bed...hey, my tan is fading already!! See it's not just me. What will not fade are the wonderful memories from our trip to the Slatton/Linclon household....on St. Croix...lovely.
Here is a picture of my FAVORITE place on the island.....

That is MY beach....oh and bar :)

My flight home was uneventful...well except when the check in lady told me I was "good to go" and I left. I left without my bag that I was to take with me through customs...and I was all the way through security, putting on my shoes when a HUGE guy comes up and says "what's you name" in an unfriendly voice. He then took me all the way back through customs and security and crap. Gave me my bag....that the counter lady had TAKEN from me......then I got to do it all again...yay. but that's all for events. Kinda...
Ok so this picture is a bit creepy but on my flight from St. Thomas to Philadelphia I look to the right and back a bit and these are the legs I saw....

yes it's dark and hard to see but those are skinny legs in cargo shorts crossed with blue crocs....I almost choked. I swear under other circumstances I would have been positive that was Jed without seeing any other part of the kid. It was Jed....telling me I was not "flying solo" as my brother called it. crazy...but very cool.
See look at this leg...and yes I am WELL aware that this is right on the line of
freak-dom...but still..

Sooo, yes I am home and back to my crazy self.
The dog doesn't seem to care that we are home really. Thanks Mom and Dad for taking care of "cujo".
UGH I am COLD!!!!!! I do not like it Sam I am..I think my brain is freezing. I have a test and a project. Oh today we had a guest lecturer for environmental science....she happened to be the person that trains my brother every 5 weeks when he has to renew his reactor operator license. Now I guess it will be known that Adam has a "slow" sibling. She was giving out ice scrapers for correct answers....no, I did not get an ice scraper....shut up I don't want to hear it. Who needs a stupid ice scraper anyway.
I am missing Kate's awesome laugh, Russ' chill attitude, Azure's little voice and Elan's HUGE smile. I am missing the warmth, the sun, the crystal clear water. I am missing the whole vibe of the place and the lovely family there. Love St. Croix. I love that it is not a built up tourist place. Going back??? Right now is not soon enough.

Baby Love, I am missing you more than any words could ever describe. Yes, I see your signs, I am so appreciative of all the hard work you are doing for me and you seem to be showing Jaz the ropes! Give extra special love to Jaz's family....they need it. Watch over your sister and give her extra strength to handle all this. I MISS YOU JED. Mommy Loves you
Love J & K
I am literally shaking while I type this it is so cold in here....UGH!

Last Night in the USVI.... Slatton family Jam session....


How can we leave this.....???

and this??? Look at that face...
I SOOOOO love it here....can we swing a return visit at New Years? I know that is not realistic... but I don't like to live in reality :)
We need to start the "2 year plan" ...to move to St. Croix...can it be done? I think yes.
Baby Jed....oh lovey...missing you so so much. I heard you left Jaz's family a dollar in their yard...that is pretty cool! Savannah saw her 1st giraffe from Jaz. You guys have been busy :) I am headed home...Mommy Loves You..
Love J & K

Hold her hand Jed...and show her the way. We love you Jaz..you will be so missed.
All our love, strength and prayers go out to the Cope Family.
The one and only thought that gets me through, moment by moment is that our children now are healthy, happy and not suffering though the hell they were living.
We are left to find purpose in our days and to search for our kids in our dreams.
It sucks and it is hard and finding a reason to keep going is always a daily struggle but we would not wish our kids back for anything. They finally get to be free..and that is our life line...what we hold on to when the days are black and gray and we think we can't go on.
Savannah Renee...you are a beautiful friend...and you made a huge difference. Take what Jaz has given you, put it with what you have learned from your brother...and Jackson and Jenn and use it to propel you forward. You have your 4 J's behind you..they've got your back.
Baby Jed....Mommy Loves you....oh so much.
Love J & K

This picture is horribly unflattering but ..
(only of me.....and it is all about me..right Trish?)

I am thankful for family & friends, near & far. Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you to the Slatton/Lincoln clan of St. Croix for sharing their day, their home and their many friends. We are grateful for their open, loving way of life. They are beautiful and so is their island.

2008...Oh so full...


Baby Jed...there are no words for how horribly hard this is. I just can't describe it. My heart breaks over and over, day after day...but today...is very hard. Yesterday neighbor Joe cooked a fish for us....he is a chef, you would have been stuck to him all day. Today Russell fried a turkey...while the iguanas were hanging around...you would have gotten a kick out of that too. Maybe you sent the iguanas for Danny? Thanks for the quarter this morning. I know your here but I am missing you terribly. You would love the boys, they are so funny. I know you would be having a blast with them. I thought last Thanksgiving would be the worst we ever had....I never imagined how much worse it would get. What I hang on to day after day is that you are healthy, pain free and happy. Knowing those things is what gets me through. One more day down...one day closer to being with you.
Mommy Loves you sweet potato...
Love J & K

The weather is awesome!!! Riding in the jeep, top down, sunny, 85 degrees and drinking a Smirnoff ice...not a bad gig. OH and did I mention that they don't really pull anyone over for anything. In the words of our host..."it's a bit lawless here...a little wild west like".

Savannah at Point Udall, doing her happy, happy, joy, joy dance!

Nila, Danny and Kate

We hiked about a 1/2 of a mile to an empty beach. We only saw 2 other people all day. It was wonderful.





Danny, practicing his snorkeling.




Yesterday we went horseback riding through the jungle and onto the beach. It was fun.

Me, Savannah, Nila, Lydia, Kate and Danny

Savannah happy as a clam riding Mr. McGregor
Elan in a beer box.

Tomorrow we are off to a half day boat ride to Buck Island and do some snorkeling.
Watching Kate with her 2 boys under the age of 2 makes me realize that I am too old for that baby momma stuff. It is exhausting! They are so sweet and funny but oh so tiring.
I have really gotten closer to solidifying my decision to move somewhere warm in a few years. This would be my 2nd choice behind The Keys...so far.
The girl Nila brought with her, Lydia, is super cool. We are having a great time with her
Anyway have to go to bed. Up early tomorrow.
Jeddie, I am missing you so so much. All the beauty and the warmth here...I know you would be very happy here. Desperately missing you...oh so very very much. Mommy Loves You
Love J & K

Today we went through the jungle to the other side of the island. We hung at a beach called Cane Bay Beach...very cool place. Rockin beach bar with a spectacular drink called Sex in the Champagne Room. It is Vanilla flavored rum, cranberry juice and champagne. yummy.
and here is the view from the bar.......lots of cool rasta guys there too


Here is Dan and his fam on top of the mountain.


Uncle Danny and Elan..


Danny took a long walk with Azure today. The kid walked forever, on a gravel road and had no shoes on. He's like a little Tarzan.
It has rained everyday but we manage to get a couple of hours of sun each day...so far. Tomorrow afternoon we are taking a horseback ride through the jungle and on the beach.

I have to post this picture because I am amazed at how "gifted" I look because of the reflection of the water...hahah


savannah's perfect palm tree...


I am missing you so very much Jeddie. I am always looking for you. It is beautiful here but I am missing you so so much.
Mommy Loves you baby Jed.
Love J & K

Landing on St. Thomas...

I arrived yesterday evening. Savannah and Danny got here a couple hours before me and then Russell and Danny came to the airport to get me. I took an eight seat-er prop plane from St. Thomas to St. Croix. The sun was setting as I came across to the island. It was beautiful.


Here we are...St. Croix! It is beautiful and fun...





As you can see Danny has made a new friend. Elan and Dan have hit it off. Azure, the older brother keeps telling everyone he is busy, "playing with his Uncle"! So actually Danny has 2 new friends.
This is where we had dinner tonight. It was awesome, great food, right on the ocean...not too shabby.

and this is our view from the porch of Kate and Russ' house.....


So, here we are. I'm glad were here and trying not to think of home.
Jeddie, I am missing you so very much. We saw the beautiful butterfly in the kids tent on the beach. Thank you. You would love the boys they are so funny. Jed I miss you and want you here. Keep an eye on Jazzy, no blasts again today for her!!!! Amazing. Mommy loves you so very much Baby Jed....
Love J & K

We are headed to sun, warmth and fun. I would trade anything for...well you know what for. That is not an option so...we will try something completely different...


Jazz has managed to make it just a bit easier to leave. She had a blast count this morning of 0. What does that mean? Savannah explained it with Lego Star Wars, I won't. Ok, Jaz's cells are the cancer cells and the donor cells are the clean, new, sparkly cells. The clean, sparkly cells are winning right now, they are in the lead and have taken over. The cancer cells have been annihilated, as of right now. We are not skipping and singing about miracles ...ok so we might be skipping but we are guarded...thrilled but guarded. This lovely news makes it just a tad easier to be away for a bit. We love you Cope Fam...and we will be up there bugging you more again very soon.

I am trying desperately not to think about last year...it was not fun...but I had Jed. This year, is not fun and I don't have Jed...BUT Jed is healthy and happy so I cannot complain. The missing is so huge though. There are no words.



We are off early tomorrow morning. I am excited...as excited as I can possibly be. I am going to try very hard not to bum out anyone's holiday..I'll let ya know how that goes. I will miss my family....but I wouldn't be such great company there either.
Jeddie...are you packed..oh wait you get to skip that part! I am packed...almost. I am missing you baby love. I am flying alone...so come hang out. Mommy loves you...
Love J & K

Jed chillin' on a boat in the USVI. He has so much fun. He learned to snorkel and we went to Virgin Gorda and Jost Van Dyke.
I got 100% on my environmental science test. Really seems inconsequential.
Savannah spent the day with Jaz and her family. I think I was having Cope family withdrawal. She said Jaz looks good and was in a good mood. It was actually very very hard to not be with them today. Funny how easy it was to fall back into the 7 west stuff. Not funny haha....funny weird.
Frick & Frack...what a pair:)


Jeddie, get ready, we are headed to the beach. I am missing you so so much. Keep a close eye on Jaz for us. Oh Jed, this blows. I miss you!!!!
Mommy Loves You Baby Jed
Love J & K