Savannah Jed and Ma-B 2008
I went with mom, Savannah and Livi-Mac on Tuesday to see Ma-B. She knew us all right away no question about that. She has a hard time talking and it wears her out but she was pretty with it. Example; Ma-B said she wanted me to get a dollar out of her drawer so she could give it to Liv. I turned around and grabbed a dollar out of my bag (the fact that I had a dollar was weird) when I handed it to Gram she said "Not your money, MY money". So Savannah and I went over and pretended to dig out a dollar from her drawer. Gram said, "I know that is your dollar." We lied our asses off saying, "OOOHhhh no this came from your drawer." She gave it to Liv but she was not fooled one bit. Livi-Mac danced for her and sat on her lap. Liv did a great job of entertaining. It is so hard to make myself go there, not too sure why but I should really get over that. I'll put it on my list, oh wait..it's already on the list....from years ago. Yeah need to work on that. If it's hard for me to go there I cannot even begin to think about how hard it is for her to live there. Shit, now I really feel terrible.
If you read Savannah's blog you have already seen this picture. I told you Livi was the entertainment!
Yesterday in my Logic class we talked about wishful thinking, self deception, rationalization, suppression and denial. HA, so basically we were talking about me. I felt bad for the professor, he was talking about how sometimes something so bad can be happening and even though you have all the facts you still rely on wishful thinking and let's see, oh also how some people live in denial in order to function. There was more, it all boiled down to the fact that it's not healthy to live that way. It is better to face the truth and "work through it". I know he was really holding back and trying to be sensitive. I should have told him, "I am perfectly aware that scientists think my beliefs are "wishful thinking" and the fact that I spend a great deal of time pretending Jed is in his room is denial... I am perfectly fine with it. It gets me through the day." I actually had to laugh a bit as he described all these things......I know I do them all. :) Hey, whatever works. I think next Wednesday we are getting to the chapter called "The Pull of Pseudoscience and the Paranormal." Can't wait to see how this plays out. poor guy. I guess in someways he should be glad I do not take part in any of the discussions.
Oh my, she was a chuckle from the start...
I know Jed visits her but I wonder if she can still see him?
I think that's all for tonight. I know there were other things but...my mind just couldn't hold on to them. I have to get some kind of stupid cable adapter box for Savannah's Tv and for the kitchen TV. As of this morning I have no history channel, HGTV, Travel and the worst...no MSNBC...ugh....might have to move my kitchen table to the living room!
Love you baby Jed. I won't get all dramatic tonight. You know how much I am missing you but I also know you are here with me....just not the way we were...
Mommy Loves You always.
Keep looking out for Eli and all the other kids....there are just too many.
Love J & K
As we continue to get
The Jedediah Thomas Smith Foundation
off the ground keep these facts in your head....
46 children were diagnosed with cancer today and 7 children died today because of cancer. Your race, social class or the region you live in cannot protect your child. Pediatric cancer does not discriminate. It has no prejudices.
46 / 7..... EVERYDAY
I went with mom, Savannah and Livi-Mac on Tuesday to see Ma-B. She knew us all right away no question about that. She has a hard time talking and it wears her out but she was pretty with it. Example; Ma-B said she wanted me to get a dollar out of her drawer so she could give it to Liv. I turned around and grabbed a dollar out of my bag (the fact that I had a dollar was weird) when I handed it to Gram she said "Not your money, MY money". So Savannah and I went over and pretended to dig out a dollar from her drawer. Gram said, "I know that is your dollar." We lied our asses off saying, "OOOHhhh no this came from your drawer." She gave it to Liv but she was not fooled one bit. Livi-Mac danced for her and sat on her lap. Liv did a great job of entertaining. It is so hard to make myself go there, not too sure why but I should really get over that. I'll put it on my list, oh wait..it's already on the list....from years ago. Yeah need to work on that. If it's hard for me to go there I cannot even begin to think about how hard it is for her to live there. Shit, now I really feel terrible.
If you read Savannah's blog you have already seen this picture. I told you Livi was the entertainment!
Yesterday in my Logic class we talked about wishful thinking, self deception, rationalization, suppression and denial. HA, so basically we were talking about me. I felt bad for the professor, he was talking about how sometimes something so bad can be happening and even though you have all the facts you still rely on wishful thinking and let's see, oh also how some people live in denial in order to function. There was more, it all boiled down to the fact that it's not healthy to live that way. It is better to face the truth and "work through it". I know he was really holding back and trying to be sensitive. I should have told him, "I am perfectly aware that scientists think my beliefs are "wishful thinking" and the fact that I spend a great deal of time pretending Jed is in his room is denial... I am perfectly fine with it. It gets me through the day." I actually had to laugh a bit as he described all these things......I know I do them all. :) Hey, whatever works. I think next Wednesday we are getting to the chapter called "The Pull of Pseudoscience and the Paranormal." Can't wait to see how this plays out. poor guy. I guess in someways he should be glad I do not take part in any of the discussions.
Oh my, she was a chuckle from the start...
I know Jed visits her but I wonder if she can still see him?
I think that's all for tonight. I know there were other things but...my mind just couldn't hold on to them. I have to get some kind of stupid cable adapter box for Savannah's Tv and for the kitchen TV. As of this morning I have no history channel, HGTV, Travel and the worst...no MSNBC...ugh....might have to move my kitchen table to the living room!
Love you baby Jed. I won't get all dramatic tonight. You know how much I am missing you but I also know you are here with me....just not the way we were...
Mommy Loves You always.
Keep looking out for Eli and all the other kids....there are just too many.
Love J & K
As we continue to get
The Jedediah Thomas Smith Foundation
off the ground keep these facts in your head....
46 children were diagnosed with cancer today and 7 children died today because of cancer. Your race, social class or the region you live in cannot protect your child. Pediatric cancer does not discriminate. It has no prejudices.
46 / 7..... EVERYDAY
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