Living without Jed is becoming harder by the moment. The drama of losing a child is difficult to deal with, especially when your not the real dramatic type. I picture the people that wail and scream and pull out their hair, I know that's not my scene but I am slightly jealous of those people. Does it help? It seems like it might. There are many times, in my head, that I want to fall to my knees and pound the floor with my fists and scream incoherently. It's also a bit scary, I'm afraid if I started that I could get lost in it. It seems easy to do. I keep thinking this has to get better, it has to improve, then I realize there is only one thing that can do that. The one and only thing that could fix this is not going to happen....ever. and here I am...stuck. My only joy is watching Savannah grow. She is amazing.

THON 2009

I wrote that last night in a moment of complete and total despair...not that I don't still feel that way but I can fake it better in the daylight I think. And I do have other good things besides Savannah. Danny and my family and of course great friends but Savannah is the main thing that keeps me going and keeps me here. I don't want to miss what happens next!

Wow look at that potential :)

So anyway. Oh, a story from THON. A father came up to me in the family lounge and said he had found my blog. His son's name is Thomas Smith and when he googled it Jed's blog came up. He said there are weird similarities. Like sitting with his legs crossed, he is blond, was diagnosed at 4, with exactly the same thing. It was very nice of him to take the time to say something. I told his son that only cool people have that name. I told the father that not everything will be similar. His little blond boy will be fine. I had 2 other mothers tell me that they felt they knew me because they read this sometimes. It's funny to hear that, I really do not know why anyone would now that Jed is gone....but I am glad they do. It's got to be depressing though.
We saw Dr. Comito...or as Jackson called her, Dr. Mito. Her daughter, Kristen, stayed all night to make sure Savannah was ok. How sweet was that? Kristen will be in Happy Valley in the fall as a freshman. Dr. Khan was there, yes I love my Dr. Khan. I didn't even bring up his leaving....I cried enough with everything else going on. Dr. Ungar was there too. He took the time to tell Savannah he thought she was doing great things and he took the time to tell me how wonderful he thought she was. I appreciate that. Very much. He was rocking the BK crown. Have to get a pic, think Savannah has one...or Danny.

Danny and Jed


This is the group that was on their feet for 46 hours in memory of Jed and Jaz, Jackson and Jenn


Me and Jed's Holly

My tribute to our Hershey angels and a special one from Australia

That's all for now. I have 2 mid-terms next week and of course I missed the review. Thank god for an awesome woman named Sharon who was kind enough to make sure I got all the info I could possibly have. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by others kindness.
I think I am getting better. I have been up more than I have been in bed. My chest just hurts. Anyway, with chicken and dumplings from Mom and cupcakes from Gracie I am on the mend. I have no idea what this was but it was not fooling around! I have had little colds and what not but I have not been sick like this in years. Poor Danny has the hacking cough but thank god not all the other fun. Thanks for the well wishes and the food!
Baby Jed... Mommy Loves you forever and ever...I have so much to say but it is the same thing I always say...I miss you
Love J & K
Oh and Aunt Mindy keeps her record going strong..she has never missed a THON!!