In the true spirit of Big Jed we are helping a family down the block that lost their house in a fire last night. Actually there are 2 families. Eight people all together. we need clothing for a girl size 3T, for a boy size 8-10. Mom is a medium and Dad is a large. The other family, the mom is a medium and her 3 boys are ages 15, 19 and 20. They are fairly average sizes. These families lost everything. Questions can be asked to redlionfire2011@gmail.com. My wonderful friend, Marc Ungar is coordinating this donation drive. Any help you can give is appreciated.

photo courtesy of Savannah Smith

I spent the better part of the day going through all the yarn and knitting stuff I have. I stopped knitting when I came home from the hospital. Every single thing I picked up, every book and every bag had a note of some kind in it from the hospital. Blood counts, a quick note of what meds he was on that day. A brief description of what was happening that day, etc. It was absolutely horrible. My sweet sweet boy...he was so brave and so strong and endured so much. It was a very hard day. I did clean the bathroom though. Yay me. I am trying to slowly start to do things I should be doing. I feel like I just lost Jed yesterday but I have had a couple of people say to me lately, "I guess you are still mourning?" oh and, " I guess you are still experiencing some grief." yeah....I guess. So I kind of feel like some people think I should be functioning better than I am. I mean, I thought I was doing ok...but I guess I should be doing more. I told myself I would try.....very slowly to get the house a bit straightened out....but not put pressure on myself....:) Today was hell, I can tell you that and just knowing everything I pick up or move in this house has a piece of Jed attached to it is torture. I am trying to keep myself from saving every little thing. I do NOT need pages of blood counts or little notes of meds or if Jed was throwing up on 2-21-2007. Notes like that are everywhere. It was my life and now it's not and I need to just deal with it. I would rather live in denial but I guess I am not supposed to. I have to try to get into the mindset that "Jed is with me, all the time" and just keep moving instead of only thinking of the fact that I am no longer raising my son and I cannot touch him or take care of him. It is very, very hard. The only thing I want is the only thing I cannot have. Being without my Jed and knowing I cannot be with him is pure hell. I am trying to be positive and not be stuck in that misery...oh it is hard work.....
anyway, we had dinner at Adam Tiersa and Livi-Mac's last night. Awesome fried chicken with all the fixings. It was so good I ate it for breakfast this morning.


Missing you sweet potato.....how long do I have to do this?
Mommy Loves You
Love J & K