Don't know why I picked this picture...

I just like it.
I am exhausted...I know poor me, tired from vacation...but I really am wiped out. I am skipping my morning class tomorrow. I have a project due..and I am not finished. Yes, that is the cowardly thing to do but tomorrow isn't actually my presentation just he general "due date" for the project. I will go for my other classes but just not that morning one.
I studied all day for my business law class then I went with Savannah to the mall. She needed clothes for Jaz viewing and service. Tomorrow evening is the viewing. Savannah is going with the family. I will go with her on Thursday to the service. After the mall we went to the Cope's for Jaz's little brother's birthday. We had ice cream cake :)
It's almost 10 now. I have WORK to do but what am I doing??? Not the work obviously. I really would quit if there was something else for me to do. Next week I have 3 finals on one day. :(
Oh Holly....how Jed loves you..

Look at those smiles! Yes this picture is completely random but they are so smiley.
Good night baby Jed. Missing you...really missing you. Coming home is SOOOO hard. I am tired of doing this, tired of fighting to get through the days, tired of the emptiness. Of course I will keep trying but I am tired. Thinking of your fight and your strength, if you could do what you did I can at least try to do what I need to do...I guess. Mommy Loves you Sweet potato
Love J & K

Back to real life....boooo. It was something like 25 degrees this morning. So unnecessary. I swear my plane landed and my tan faded immediately. Danny said last night as he was getting into bed...hey, my tan is fading already!! See it's not just me. What will not fade are the wonderful memories from our trip to the Slatton/Linclon household....on St. Croix...lovely.
Here is a picture of my FAVORITE place on the island.....

That is MY beach....oh and bar :)

My flight home was uneventful...well except when the check in lady told me I was "good to go" and I left. I left without my bag that I was to take with me through customs...and I was all the way through security, putting on my shoes when a HUGE guy comes up and says "what's you name" in an unfriendly voice. He then took me all the way back through customs and security and crap. Gave me my bag....that the counter lady had TAKEN from me......then I got to do it all again...yay. but that's all for events. Kinda...
Ok so this picture is a bit creepy but on my flight from St. Thomas to Philadelphia I look to the right and back a bit and these are the legs I saw....

yes it's dark and hard to see but those are skinny legs in cargo shorts crossed with blue crocs....I almost choked. I swear under other circumstances I would have been positive that was Jed without seeing any other part of the kid. It was Jed....telling me I was not "flying solo" as my brother called it. crazy...but very cool.
See look at this leg...and yes I am WELL aware that this is right on the line of
freak-dom...but still..

Sooo, yes I am home and back to my crazy self.
The dog doesn't seem to care that we are home really. Thanks Mom and Dad for taking care of "cujo".
UGH I am COLD!!!!!! I do not like it Sam I am..I think my brain is freezing. I have a test and a project. Oh today we had a guest lecturer for environmental science....she happened to be the person that trains my brother every 5 weeks when he has to renew his reactor operator license. Now I guess it will be known that Adam has a "slow" sibling. She was giving out ice scrapers for correct answers....no, I did not get an ice scraper....shut up I don't want to hear it. Who needs a stupid ice scraper anyway.
I am missing Kate's awesome laugh, Russ' chill attitude, Azure's little voice and Elan's HUGE smile. I am missing the warmth, the sun, the crystal clear water. I am missing the whole vibe of the place and the lovely family there. Love St. Croix. I love that it is not a built up tourist place. Going back??? Right now is not soon enough.

Baby Love, I am missing you more than any words could ever describe. Yes, I see your signs, I am so appreciative of all the hard work you are doing for me and you seem to be showing Jaz the ropes! Give extra special love to Jaz's family....they need it. Watch over your sister and give her extra strength to handle all this. I MISS YOU JED. Mommy Loves you
Love J & K
I am literally shaking while I type this it is so cold in here....UGH!

Last Night in the USVI.... Slatton family Jam session....


How can we leave this.....???

and this??? Look at that face...
I SOOOOO love it here....can we swing a return visit at New Years? I know that is not realistic... but I don't like to live in reality :)
We need to start the "2 year plan" ...to move to St. Croix...can it be done? I think yes.
Baby Jed....oh lovey...missing you so so much. I heard you left Jaz's family a dollar in their yard...that is pretty cool! Savannah saw her 1st giraffe from Jaz. You guys have been busy :) I am headed home...Mommy Loves You..
Love J & K

Hold her hand Jed...and show her the way. We love you Jaz..you will be so missed.
All our love, strength and prayers go out to the Cope Family.
The one and only thought that gets me through, moment by moment is that our children now are healthy, happy and not suffering though the hell they were living.
We are left to find purpose in our days and to search for our kids in our dreams.
It sucks and it is hard and finding a reason to keep going is always a daily struggle but we would not wish our kids back for anything. They finally get to be free..and that is our life line...what we hold on to when the days are black and gray and we think we can't go on.
Savannah Renee...you are a beautiful friend...and you made a huge difference. Take what Jaz has given you, put it with what you have learned from your brother...and Jackson and Jenn and use it to propel you forward. You have your 4 J's behind you..they've got your back.
Baby Jed....Mommy Loves you....oh so much.
Love J & K

This picture is horribly unflattering but ..
(only of me.....and it is all about me..right Trish?)

I am thankful for family & friends, near & far. Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you to the Slatton/Lincoln clan of St. Croix for sharing their day, their home and their many friends. We are grateful for their open, loving way of life. They are beautiful and so is their island.

2008...Oh so full...


Baby Jed...there are no words for how horribly hard this is. I just can't describe it. My heart breaks over and over, day after day...but today...is very hard. Yesterday neighbor Joe cooked a fish for us....he is a chef, you would have been stuck to him all day. Today Russell fried a turkey...while the iguanas were hanging around...you would have gotten a kick out of that too. Maybe you sent the iguanas for Danny? Thanks for the quarter this morning. I know your here but I am missing you terribly. You would love the boys, they are so funny. I know you would be having a blast with them. I thought last Thanksgiving would be the worst we ever had....I never imagined how much worse it would get. What I hang on to day after day is that you are healthy, pain free and happy. Knowing those things is what gets me through. One more day down...one day closer to being with you.
Mommy Loves you sweet potato...
Love J & K

The weather is awesome!!! Riding in the jeep, top down, sunny, 85 degrees and drinking a Smirnoff ice...not a bad gig. OH and did I mention that they don't really pull anyone over for anything. In the words of our host..."it's a bit lawless here...a little wild west like".

Savannah at Point Udall, doing her happy, happy, joy, joy dance!

Nila, Danny and Kate

We hiked about a 1/2 of a mile to an empty beach. We only saw 2 other people all day. It was wonderful.





Danny, practicing his snorkeling.




Yesterday we went horseback riding through the jungle and onto the beach. It was fun.

Me, Savannah, Nila, Lydia, Kate and Danny

Savannah happy as a clam riding Mr. McGregor
Elan in a beer box.

Tomorrow we are off to a half day boat ride to Buck Island and do some snorkeling.
Watching Kate with her 2 boys under the age of 2 makes me realize that I am too old for that baby momma stuff. It is exhausting! They are so sweet and funny but oh so tiring.
I have really gotten closer to solidifying my decision to move somewhere warm in a few years. This would be my 2nd choice behind The Keys...so far.
The girl Nila brought with her, Lydia, is super cool. We are having a great time with her
Anyway have to go to bed. Up early tomorrow.
Jeddie, I am missing you so so much. All the beauty and the warmth here...I know you would be very happy here. Desperately missing you...oh so very very much. Mommy Loves You
Love J & K

Today we went through the jungle to the other side of the island. We hung at a beach called Cane Bay Beach...very cool place. Rockin beach bar with a spectacular drink called Sex in the Champagne Room. It is Vanilla flavored rum, cranberry juice and champagne. yummy.
and here is the view from the bar.......lots of cool rasta guys there too


Here is Dan and his fam on top of the mountain.


Uncle Danny and Elan..


Danny took a long walk with Azure today. The kid walked forever, on a gravel road and had no shoes on. He's like a little Tarzan.
It has rained everyday but we manage to get a couple of hours of sun each day...so far. Tomorrow afternoon we are taking a horseback ride through the jungle and on the beach.

I have to post this picture because I am amazed at how "gifted" I look because of the reflection of the water...hahah


savannah's perfect palm tree...


I am missing you so very much Jeddie. I am always looking for you. It is beautiful here but I am missing you so so much.
Mommy Loves you baby Jed.
Love J & K

Landing on St. Thomas...

I arrived yesterday evening. Savannah and Danny got here a couple hours before me and then Russell and Danny came to the airport to get me. I took an eight seat-er prop plane from St. Thomas to St. Croix. The sun was setting as I came across to the island. It was beautiful.


Here we are...St. Croix! It is beautiful and fun...





As you can see Danny has made a new friend. Elan and Dan have hit it off. Azure, the older brother keeps telling everyone he is busy, "playing with his Uncle"! So actually Danny has 2 new friends.
This is where we had dinner tonight. It was awesome, great food, right on the ocean...not too shabby.

and this is our view from the porch of Kate and Russ' house.....


So, here we are. I'm glad were here and trying not to think of home.
Jeddie, I am missing you so very much. We saw the beautiful butterfly in the kids tent on the beach. Thank you. You would love the boys they are so funny. Jed I miss you and want you here. Keep an eye on Jazzy, no blasts again today for her!!!! Amazing. Mommy loves you so very much Baby Jed....
Love J & K

We are headed to sun, warmth and fun. I would trade anything for...well you know what for. That is not an option so...we will try something completely different...


Jazz has managed to make it just a bit easier to leave. She had a blast count this morning of 0. What does that mean? Savannah explained it with Lego Star Wars, I won't. Ok, Jaz's cells are the cancer cells and the donor cells are the clean, new, sparkly cells. The clean, sparkly cells are winning right now, they are in the lead and have taken over. The cancer cells have been annihilated, as of right now. We are not skipping and singing about miracles ...ok so we might be skipping but we are guarded...thrilled but guarded. This lovely news makes it just a tad easier to be away for a bit. We love you Cope Fam...and we will be up there bugging you more again very soon.

I am trying desperately not to think about last year...it was not fun...but I had Jed. This year, is not fun and I don't have Jed...BUT Jed is healthy and happy so I cannot complain. The missing is so huge though. There are no words.



We are off early tomorrow morning. I am excited...as excited as I can possibly be. I am going to try very hard not to bum out anyone's holiday..I'll let ya know how that goes. I will miss my family....but I wouldn't be such great company there either.
Jeddie...are you packed..oh wait you get to skip that part! I am packed...almost. I am missing you baby love. I am flying alone...so come hang out. Mommy loves you...
Love J & K

Jed chillin' on a boat in the USVI. He has so much fun. He learned to snorkel and we went to Virgin Gorda and Jost Van Dyke.
I got 100% on my environmental science test. Really seems inconsequential.
Savannah spent the day with Jaz and her family. I think I was having Cope family withdrawal. She said Jaz looks good and was in a good mood. It was actually very very hard to not be with them today. Funny how easy it was to fall back into the 7 west stuff. Not funny haha....funny weird.
Frick & Frack...what a pair:)


Jeddie, get ready, we are headed to the beach. I am missing you so so much. Keep a close eye on Jaz for us. Oh Jed, this blows. I miss you!!!!
Mommy Loves You Baby Jed
Love J & K

Savannah and I were at Hershey med again today for a bit. We didn't stay all day, just a few hours. On the way out we went to clinic. Love seeing everyone there. Maritsa and Megan...gimpy 1 & 2. feet in casts, elbows with bionic things...it's a rough job you guys have there!!
Jaz looked good when we were there. She had friends & family coming in and out. We left because we knew it would be getting crowded.
Best news of the day...I saw Janiece when I got off the elevator on the 7th floor. Her chemo is working...YAY!! so so happy. Between that and retirement she seems to be doing well.


I'm not going to lie, being up there is exhausting. I also feel this weird guilt when I leave. I used to have that guilt when Jed and I would get to go home and others had to stay. Feeling this guilt now is stupid...but I do. I think I do ok up there. I try to keep it all together. Today I was fine....until one of the mother's I know told her son to sit with me while she talked to someone else. I know this boy. He is 12 or 13 I think, he had his transplant right about when Jed was scheduled. He is funny, thin, all elbows and knees, sweet, wearing a snuggie and a mask. I was shaking. I tried to act real cool but I just wanted to touch him. We passed the time by sending his mother "meaningful" stares while she was talking. He wanted to go home! Finally she got the message. I told him he needed a big red sign that says "home now" to hold up when she is talking! I kept it all together until he was headed out the door. I didn't want to freak the poor guy out. It was bad enough that his mother said, "sit here and talk to Jed's mom". He knows where Jed is...I'm thinking I am not the person he wanted to sit with! Yea, being up there has some very difficult moments.
Jay and Tammy and their family are doing well, they are very strong for Jaz, I am so happy to see that.
I have school all day tomorrow so I will not see them. Savannah is going up tomorrow afternoon. We leave on Friday...all this just adds to the bitter sweetness of the whole trip. I feel a bit guilty to be taking "all this" to their holiday celebration but "all this" is now a permanent part of who we are. I guess it's all or nothing.
My sweet baby Jed. Hard days, just very hard days. All the things I want I cannot have. I am missing you...so so much. Mommy Loves you
Love J & K

Savannah and her "little sister" Jaz.


I spent most of the day at Hershey Med again. Savannah called me when I was between classes this morning to tell me Jaz was in PICU and might be vented. She went right there. I came home and dad drove me to Hershey so I would be there to drive Savannah home whenever she was ready. Visiting there is not too hard....leaving is a nightmare. I didn't want her leaving there alone. They have stopped Jaz's treatment. Her cancer is back and to keep pouring chemo in her is not fair and would only be torture at this point....wow where have we heard that before? They brought her back to 7west. She was fairly alert and was very happy to see Savannah. Our Gamma Phi-Acacia family showed up. They have adopted Jaz as their own. Knowing they are there to hold Savannah up is a great comfort. We have leaned on them and relied on them so much I have no idea how we would make it without them. They are lovely, perfect gifts from Jed.
As dad was leaving the hospital after dropping me off, the car in front of him had a license plate that said "Jed's Ma".... :) He is always with us.
When I was at hershey the other day with Savannah I saw Dr. Bell and I was thrilled to see Dr. Khan but I was wondering where "our" docs were? The "old guard". not really old but you know what I mean! So today I saw Dr. Comito, Dr. Ungar and Dr. Neeley! It was very nice to see them. I remember Dr. Comito said to me a long time ago,"Jed is one of my very favorite patients, I love that boy". :) I got to see Deana again. It is always wonderful to see her. I also saw Bubba and Denise. Lovely...oh and Dr. Mikey....famous for his teenage mutant ninja turtle expertise. I spoke to Dr. Fecile....wonderful woman..and Dr. I also saw many many nurses that I did not see the other day. I know I said this before but it is oddly comforting to be back on the floor, it is a bit disconcerting how quickly I fall right back into the whole routine of the place.

OMG how cute are they?

I am sick with sadness knowing what this family, we have come to love, is going to have to go through. I am also sick with worry and sadness knowing what Savannah will be going through. Again though, thank god for Mead & Brent and Lizzie & Kait, and all of our Gamma Phi Acacia family. (I want to name all of you but....that is not possible)
The love of my life....

Jed the penny you left in the room was found and everyone knew who it was from. :) Talking to so many that love you and miss you today was really very nice. I hate that it is under such horrible circumstances. Please look out for Jaz, hold her hand. Mommy loves you baby Jed.
love J & K

This picture was taken at Jed's first "off chemo party". The goggles were on because he was swimming in the dunk tank...he is lovin that chocolate ice cream, And he has Daddy Dave Dietz there...oh my if you missed Dave's singing that day....well you really missed....something...:)

So we leave in less than five days. I am bouncing between excitement and just complete desolation. So dramatic but really that's what it is. I am excited to go but so sick and sad as to why this came about. I am grateful for the opportunity for sun, fun and family but my brain and heart are gray and dark and empty. Wow how uplifting is that...so inspiring....ugh.
I have to just keep remembering how much better Jed is now. No more pain and suffering, no worry or stress for him. Those are beautiful truths.
Livi was with her Grammy last night. The cat was sitting on the couch and Grammy asked Liv, "who is your friend?". (talking about the cat) Livi said, "that's my friend Jeddie". (not talking about the cat)!! Keep visiting and playing with Liv Jed :)
I was Savannah's date for her french dinner tonight. It was good, the dessert was rockin'. Little puffed pastry with ice cream and chocolate all over it. Wish I could have ordered dessert for every course! I could hear Jed in my head critiquing the quality of the chocolate!
Back to school tomorrow. I have been so out of it this weekend I have no clue what is happening tomorrow...I can't have a test...could I? God I hope not.
Everyone please send Jaz love and strength...her parents too.
A quote from a travel article about St. Croix, "These days, visitors are more welcomed on this friendly isle that possesses a San Francisco-like bohemian charm".....sounds perfect!! since SF is my fave city and Danny's hometown...Savannah said, "Danny will never leave"! Well he can't stay it would cost too much to ship stuff to him!!!!
Baby Love, Mommy is missing you...of course you know that. I hope you are riding your bike and playing in the sun. I know you are entertaining all the others up there with you. We are going to the islands soon, get packed I know you will be coming along. Mommy loves you baby Jed
Love J & K
News Flash....Savannah is speaking at Family Hour on Sunday of THON this year...this is HUGE....really HUGE ..especially if she gets to dance too.

Flash backs...weird how they just show up. I was thinking of the rides to clinic, almost every Tuesday for 8yrs. There were times when we would be singing to the radio and I would stop, look at Jed and listen to him sing. I knew it was a moment that could not be duplicated and was very important for me to memorize. I wonder if he ever noticed me crying?
Savannah was drinking hot chocolate last night. It brought back the memory of the very first time I had to take Jed to the ER at Hershey. He was barely 5, had a fever and I carried him everywhere. It was just Jed and I. We walked into the Er, I was shaking and scared, I had no idea what was going to happen. I told them that they had to have the best person available to access Jed's port....he was protective of it right from the beginning. They sent in a big guy, he accessed Jed's port in 1 try and then he asked Jed if he wanted anything. Jed said hot chocolate. The nurse left, was gone for quite some time and came back with hot chocolate with whipped cream. He had gone all the way over to where the old coffee bar was (before Starbucks) because he said that was the "good" hot chocolate. Bobby became a hero to Jed. We didn't see him for a long time and sometime in 2008 we were on the elevator and this man said, "I think I remember that boy, I think he likes hot chocolate". Jed said HI BOBBY!!!! Those are the people that stay with you forever, the ones that take the time to make your child feel a bit better. The ones that go out of their way for your child are the people you are forever grateful to.
One year ago....


I went to Hershey Med today with Savannah. The timing was odd. Almost exactly 1 year since Jed and I went into the hospital for our last stay. I have been more irritable ...yes more than normal and yes that is possible...but I think it's because the holiday season is starting, really I will never think of this time of the year as a "holiday" season ever again. So I went with Savannah because she wanted to see Jaz. I went to be support....hahahahaha. As we walked toward the lobby...I realized that damn Penn State tree was in there. Last year Jed thought it was so cool. We laughed because it was a bit crooked.....it is again this year! I made it past the tree...I was not much "support". I sat in the rotunda for a bit while Savannah visited with Jaz. It was VERY hard but at the same time it felt so normal, comfortable. I could almost pretend Jed was down the hall.

At first no one knew I was there or who I was. Savannah ratted me out to nurse Barb... :) I saw Dr. Bell. He was still fairly "new" to us at this time last year. Jed and I both really like him. He is quiet but nice and good at what he does. I also saw Dr. Khan.....I know I have mentioned how we love Dr. Khan. I will be forever grateful to him for sitting in the hall with me the morning Jed got to leave that place. Danny packed up the room and Kimmy and I think Carol got Jed cleaned up and dressed. I could not go back in there. I lived in that room to be with Jed and he was no longer there so I just didn't want to go back in. I sat on the floor in the hall and Dr. Khan sat with me. He talked about his son and his wife and was so caring and lovely. Today he said the most wonderful thing to me, Dr. Khan said Denise had brought him a picture of Jed from the luncheon and he keeps it in his office. I love that. I know Denise has one too and really, nothing makes me happier than to know people will remember him. Visiting the floor today was hard but I am happy to see people that I love and miss. Always, the hardest thing is to get on the elevator and leave.
Soooo, anyway. I got to see Jaz...kinda stoned but funny as hell. I got to talk to her dad, Jay. It's weird how hospital stays, treatment, meds and all those topics are almost comforting. It's was what I did and who I was for so many years. What a great talent to have...not very marketable..... just my luck.
I guess that's all for now. I just got a very bizarre voice mail from my brother, he was talking about Jed....but not to me...hhmm. I think I'll go now. I need to research and find some good books to put on my kindle for our trip. My professor gave me the go ahead to do my environmental project on St. Croix so I guess I will be doing homework down there too. It will be much easier than the TMI project I was planning to do. Adam was going to help but still I would be WAY out of my league. Nuclear power, splitting atoms...that's my brother's stuff....way beyond me!

Jeddie, your forever smile, in the face of immense difficulty, is what forces me to keep going. I miss you beyond belief but I am so happy you are safe and healthy. Mommy Loves you...oh so much.
Love J & K

Twice in the last week Livi-Mac has picked up my mom's phone and said, "I need-a call Jed".



I know how you feel Mac. I wish I had an app. for my phone that worked like a medium so Jed could text me. This is getting harder and harder.
Savannah and I mailed some snacks to St. Croix today. Good god, the cost of shipping might be a thing that would keep me from moving to an island! That really adds to the price when I'm shopping! We have some wine to take, to ship 6 bottles it would have cost over $100! We are drinking one bottle now and putting the rest in our suitcases.
Savannah lectured me today about my social skills. I said maybe I would just get to St. Croix and then do everything alone. Savannah said that is rude and I need to interact with others...haha. I'll put improving my social skills on my list of shit to do....I mean stuff. I am feeling a bit irritable lately & it seems to be getting worse. I am kind of waiting for the person that finally sends me over the edge. Beware.. :)



Goodnight Baby Jed. I'm trying...I really am....I'm just not very happy about it. Some days it's too hard to fake it. Mommy Loves you...so very, very much.
Love K & K

So, last year on this day.....well it sucked...bad. Today......I'm sure with some divine help...tolerable.
My 1st exam was not too bad, I have at least a b, law presentation...A+!!! HA and my big exam tonight...wasn't too bad..I think. I'll find out next week. Now I am home eating chicken noodle soup. :)
Ok remember when I wrote about my ride to school the other day, I told Renee that if she was with Jed I wanted to see a girl wearing red pumps at school. Right away the highway seemed full of red vehicles...of all kinds. That lasted just about the whole way to school. I said I let her off the hook for the red pumps..after all those red vehicles I cut her some slack. Today, I was sitting in the lobby waiting for business law to start so I could get this presentation over with and a girl walked by. I looked down at her shoes...don't know why. and Yes she was wearing RED PUMPS. She walked by and then came back stood a bit in front of me looking around and then she walked away. The guy sitting in the other chair said "who wears red pumps?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! How flippin' cool is that. I wanted to jump up and say "hey, everyone, look..RED PUMPS" but I didn't, I just smiled and thanked Renee. So very, very cool. Oh and these weren't regular red pumps, they were shiny and had bows...like christmas party red pumps!! Love it. The moment felt almost...magical..really. SO now there is no doubt, she is with Jed. What a pair they are. Two major smart asses. I can hear the sarcasm flying :)



Goodnight baby Jed, still missing you...more than I can say. But this year I can say I know you are healthy and there is no sickness, fear or pain ahead for you. That is a lovely thought. Nothing but sunshine and happiness for you now. You more than deserve it. Hug your sidekick up there for me....she was VERY clear with her message. You two must be having a blast. Mommy loves you...more than life.
Love J & K
Happy 100 days till THON....happy and sickening at the same time.....I have to remember everyday is not a day longer that I have been apart from Jed but everyday is a day closer to being with him again. Well if that deer on the berm of the highway that was staring at me in the dark while I passed it doing 80 had leaned forward ... I guess it's not my time yet.

The Jedediah Thomas Smith Foundation logo is taking shape....not quite there but close. ...

I have been studying ALL day. Environmental science exam at 9:30am tomorrow, law presentation at 1pm, finish my excel test at 4:30 & a big paralegal exam at 6pm. I want tomorrow to be over. All that and on such a crappy day. I can't even really talk about it but one year ago tomorrow was a devastating day...for all of us.
But even then....I was positive all would be ok. This is not the ok I wanted but it is the best ok for Jed so I cannot argue. Saying I feel destroyed is an understatement.
How dramatic. but really that is a good way to describe how I feel.
I carry Jed's back pack every day with his glasses, survivor bracelet and his tigger. It reminds me that he made the most of some horrible situations.


My best, sweetest memories are so entangled in disgustingly painful situations. Today I was telling Jaz's mom how when we would come in Jed would right away say he wanted all his meds IV...it was the one perk of being inpatient. When he was ready to leave he would drag his pole to the nurses station and tell whoever was there to "change my meds to PO I'm going home"! He could go from being flat on his back for 2 weeks to up and dressed and ready to go in less than an hour. It was like a switch was flipped. See a funny sweet memory wrapped around a bad situation. Sooo, as horrible as tomorrow will be, and as much as I am expected to conquer tomorrow...it is nothing, not even a speck of what Jed did everyday.
and I have homemade chicken noodle soup...thanks mom. Poor Danny is doing what Stacy at work so kindly called the "geriatric shuffle". his back went out at work yesterday...just in time for our trip...poor guy.
Hold me up tomorrow Jeddie. oh I guess you really need to hold Danny up!!!Mommy Loves you..
Love J & K
Just remembered I have to do a project for environmental science that is due the day we get home....so it has to be finished before next Friday. and I picked something about TMI and sealing the reactor...I don't even know what that means.

I'm really just supposed to just keep going, day after day? This is a very special kind of hell


Baby Love, I am missing you beyond words.
Mommy Loves you
Love J & K

Missing my funny friend.....I want to go to sleep now and wake up in February.





Oh Jeddie, the future just looks so gray and empty without you. I am missing you desperately.
Mommy loves you..always
Love J & K