Jaz looked good when we were there. She had friends & family coming in and out. We left because we knew it would be getting crowded.
Best news of the day...I saw Janiece when I got off the elevator on the 7th floor. Her chemo is working...YAY!! so so happy. Between that and retirement she seems to be doing well.
I'm not going to lie, being up there is exhausting. I also feel this weird guilt when I leave. I used to have that guilt when Jed and I would get to go home and others had to stay. Feeling this guilt now is stupid...but I do. I think I do ok up there. I try to keep it all together. Today I was fine....until one of the mother's I know told her son to sit with me while she talked to someone else. I know this boy. He is 12 or 13 I think, he had his transplant right about when Jed was scheduled. He is funny, thin, all elbows and knees, sweet, wearing a snuggie and a mask. I was shaking. I tried to act real cool but I just wanted to touch him. We passed the time by sending his mother "meaningful" stares while she was talking. He wanted to go home! Finally she got the message. I told him he needed a big red sign that says "home now" to hold up when she is talking! I kept it all together until he was headed out the door. I didn't want to freak the poor guy out. It was bad enough that his mother said, "sit here and talk to Jed's mom". He knows where Jed is...I'm thinking I am not the person he wanted to sit with! Yea, being up there has some very difficult moments.
Jay and Tammy and their family are doing well, they are very strong for Jaz, I am so happy to see that.
I have school all day tomorrow so I will not see them. Savannah is going up tomorrow afternoon. We leave on Friday...all this just adds to the bitter sweetness of the whole trip. I feel a bit guilty to be taking "all this" to their holiday celebration but "all this" is now a permanent part of who we are. I guess it's all or nothing.
My sweet baby Jed. Hard days, just very hard days. All the things I want I cannot have. I am missing you...so so much. Mommy Loves you
Love J & K
2 comments:
Kristin, you really nailed it on the head... "all this" is a part of who you are, as much of a part as "all this" has become a part of me.... and I feel like I'm on the outside of this battle just providing an ear and a hug and a shoulder to rest on. I couldn't imagine not being involved in THON or being a FR captain, not being here for every family in every stage of their fight against cancer. Your family is unbelievable and inspirational to the entire THON community. I love you all.
What they said above. "All that" is who you are and we still love you for it.
xo
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