2007 Gettysburg bike week

053
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

The weather was nice today. Danny and I went to breakfast & home depot, where I got some veggie seeds and starter pots. We washed the car too. I planted my seeds but I just don't know how good I will be with the follow through. We shall see. That was my exciting day. Just trying to keep it together. I still sometimes think this has to be a horrible nightmare and I will wake up to Jed singing the Family Guy song. I can't explain how deeply, for just for a few seconds, I truly believe this. Then I have to make myself face the fact that it is not a dream and I have to live without Jed. Looking at pictures is a double edged sword. I can laugh at them and just stare at his beautiful face but again...that is not reality. I would like to have a total mental breakdown and be able to live in a fantasy world for the rest of my life. I could be the crazy lady that wonders outside and gets lost...neighbors will find me and walk me home. I would stand on my street and invite everyone that goes by in for tea. I could just float around and live in a fantasy world. I guess that idea, along with being the pie eating woman, just are not going to happen..damn, I would be really good at both of them. The crazy lady sounds like the best of the two. Just happy oblivion. I couldn't get that lucky. I really need to find a way to believe Jed is ok and he is happy. Some days it is easier to believe than others. I hate not being the one that is taking care of him. I hate not being able to hang out with him....there really was nothing I did that I didn't do with Jed. What a mess.
Love J & K