May 2007

jed hospital 002
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Why are you putting your toe in your ear??? What a nut. Jeddie I miss your funniness and your constant smile.
Danny and I went to the medium today. I have a cd of it and will listen to it tomorrow. I know that more things make since later. Anyway it was pretty cool. This lady is kind of hyper...she was very nice. The last few days I have been teasing Danny, saying I really wanted to meet his Dad. I am not sure how many years ago he died but I know Danny didn't really have any contact with him for many years before that. Danny did not think his dad would come through......he was the first! She described him as having trouble breathing and coughing a lot (he was missing part of a lung) she also said he was showing her a bottle of booze (he drank...too much). He was telling Danny, through the medium, that he really liked me and that he was so glad we are together. He thought I was "cute" and called me Miss Sunshine....HAHAHAHA. He also still loved Danny's mom. She asked me if we had lost a son. I said yes. She asked his name, I told her Jedediah....she said "I am hearing Jeddie"!!!! She said the same thing the others have said, that he left quickly....once it was time to go. That is true. She also said that he was in and out of his body often those last few days...I believe this. Then she said...he is telling me to tell you "you do not look old"..which is hysterical. I have often talked about turning 40 last year and feeling old, looking old blah blah. He always said "you are not old and you don't look old. On our big calendar last year I had written 39 again on my birthday. He crossed it out and wrote 40 and under that wrote "it's not bad and your not old"!!! she then said he was talking about baseball...this morning Danny wrote about their experience at a baseball game. So that was funny. She also said she was hearing motorcycles. Danny's dad told him to "wear that helmet" (Danny never wears a helmet). She told me that Jed is talking about his hair, that he got a hair cut or his hair looks good..she was getting something about that. For years hair really was an issue here. She also asked "who got a memorial tattoo?" I told her that his sister did. He said he really liked it but it should have angel wings...he was joking...funny kid. He was with both of my grandfathers. My dad's dad told me to tell dad to get a physical. He will be ok but he might have health issues soon. So Dad...go get one! All in all it was pretty cool. I was not disappointed, Danny was not either. There was another woman there, she lost a son also. The medium knew right away that her son was shot..murdered. This poor woman was a mess. You know, more than anything I think maybe we were all brought together so I could maybe talk to this woman. She has been contemplating suicide. I hope maybe I helped....I don't know. I did tell her that if she does that she will have so much junk to work through when she gets there that she wouldn't be able to spend time with her son. I also told her that she would not want to make the rest of her family hurt anymore than they already have. I said killing yourself is cheating anyway. We talked for some time. The other thing I told her was the main thing that keeps me from completely melting down is that I don't want my sorrow to impede whatever Jed needs to do over there. I don't want to hold him down or keep him from whatever he should be doing. I am still his mother and it is still my job to do what is best for him. She was calmer when we left so I am hoping that it at least gave her something to think about. That's about it. I am glad we went. It was a bit confusing with the other people there, she was having difficulty keep it all straight , all the information that was coming at her and who it was directed to. Oh she also said we will be going to Florida and Hawaii ..which is funny because I have been looking at property in both places...not that we can move there but visiting wouldn't be bad.
Oh Jeddie spaghetti, I know you are here with us but you physical absence is unbearable. I am working VERY hard to keep it all together,,,,to make it as easy for you as possible to do whatever it is you need to do. I love you baby Jed. It is very hard to live this life without you in it.
Love J & K