Jed summer 2009

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

My funny, sweet little Jeddie. I miss you.
Savannah and I had dinner with Kait and Kayla from Gamma Phi tonight. It was fun...thanks girls. It is just so hard to come home and not have Jed waiting for me. I will never get used to it, it feels so wrong
We had our comcast "triple play thing hooked up and now our netgear sucks even more than before with the dsl.
Today I got a message from another cancer kid mom. She lives in WI. I have never really talked to her directly....just through facebook. Anyway in the message she was telling me about her visit to the dentist. They were talking about her son and his cancer treatment. The dentist said that his daughter just finished raising money for THON, she goes to Penn State. He was explaining THON to her and she told him she had learned about it on facebook through another cancer kid mom (me). She mentioned Jed's name and that he had passed away. The dentist said "Jed Smith, that is my daughter's THON child....she is a gamma phi!!!! How crazy is that. So anyway Lael wanted to let me know that 2 people were thinking of us in WI this morning...very cool.
I did make it to work again today. At the end of the day a group of people were being shown through our area. We found out that they were potential buyers for the wheel area....our area is being sub contracted out. Nice, our union lets our company shop out our area as the company lays off it's own workers. The company amazes me. We are making bikes and even working overtime a bit. Who are the people buying these bikes? Any dealer I have gone to in the last year has had bikes sitting all over the floor. Quality is not good and getting worse and the company is trying to cut back wherever they can all the while making WAY too many bikes. We told management YEARS ago that we were making too many bikes, flooding the market. Of course management doesn't listen to us we are not smart enough to have a valid point.....but whatever I just cannot see Harley Davidson being a viable force in the motorcycle industry for too many more years. We still say we are "made in the usa"....really we are assembled in the usa. so many of our parts are outsourced to other countries. Of course when the company goes even further down in the dumps the "greedy union workers" will be blamed. Not the management that has managed us into the ground while pocketing their bonuses and making poor decisions. oh well I just need to keep my job until the middle of June so if I get laid off I can collect unemployment. Then we can go from there. I am not too worried about it. Why worry when you can't fix it anyway right?
I really miss my little friend. He gave me good advice and always had an opinion to talk about. He was my warm & fuzzy, I loved sitting in his chair in his room reading while he slept or watched TV. I loved going in to lay with him until he fell asleep. Being cut off from Jed so suddenly and completely is difficult to describe. The past 3 yrs while being hell have also been so beautiful. I was home with both kids and loved it so very much. I miss it very much.
I love you baby Jed and I miss you MORE everyday. This is just not tolerable. I keep asking how can I feel this bad and keep waking up? and I fake it so well at work too! amazing. it all just sucks and I want my son back. See there was no way I was going to get through a whole post without whining and complaining!
Love J & K