Christmas Day 2005

xmas day @ home
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Savannah with her 1st Ipod and Jed with his 1st phone...a firefly...he was so thrilled!
Danny has good stories on his blog...I really don't right now. I think of stuff but when i start to write all that comes out is how much I need Jed here. I think of funny Jed things all day too but when I go to bed I relive those last 4 days over and over...every second... I hate it because his last 4 days were such a very small part of his life but it replays in my head on a continuous loop. What a disservice to him. I hope that goes away soon. Besides the fact that it keeps me from sleeping and it is a horror to keep reviewing it. I still, 8 weeks later, am having difficulty believing he is gone. I look at these pictures and I want to go show them to him. Then I remember....sometimes it hits me so hard I can't catch my breath. His giggle....especially when he was really giggling...was hysterical. It made you giggle.
I always hated to wake him up but on the days he was feeling ok he would pretend to be asleep and I would lean down right in front of his face and stare at him....he couldn't help it, he would start to grin. He would be lying there with his eyes closed trying to fake sleeping but smiling the whole time.
He loved the pillsbury sticky buns in the roll....but he had started picking up the "reduced fat" ones because he said they taste the same and then I would eat one too. I found his last roll of those in the fridge and we made them last night. He always stopped at the chefs kitchen in the grocery store to taste what they were making and to collect the recipe cards. Then he would ask if he could have a steak and when I said yes he was off the meat counter to pick out his filet. He always weighed all my produce and put the price stickers on them and he had a constant running "grocery list" in his head. Wow no wonder I hate the grocery store now more than ever. Everyday I am reminded of how Jed was a part of every single aspect of my life. My life revolved around him and his around mine. Even the moments I was not with him I was checking my phone and rushing to get back to him. Now what do I do?
Love J & K