Savannah, Nana, Jed and Pappaw

Jed26
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

This picture was taken at my brother's right before we went into the hospital the last time.
Nana is not feeling well. She has some stuff going on so please keep her in your thoughts.
We had a meeting at work today. There are 100 people going out on May 3rd. They are voluntary lay off people. I am on that list but will have to remove my name tomorrow because I cannot leave work right now. I haven't been back long enough to collect unemployment. Even if I had I would have to stay...Savannah needs to have insurance. So I am just going to hang around until they don't want me! The way it looks I will not have a job next year at this time...I will most likely go out before December. They have 1611 people on the floor right now. I am number 1118 and they are going down to 700 within the next year. So that's what is happening at good old Harley Davidson. Great company....not. I understand that they have to streamline to stay profitable...I'm not that dumb BUT some of the decisions they are making really undermines the quality and the reputation of the brand. Harleys will basically be "assembled" in America...not manufactured. Many of our parts have come form other countries for some time but now we make just about nothing. Oh well. I cannot do anything about it so I will just go to work and not worry about it all.
All I could think about today was this little sucking noise that Jed made when he was sleeping. You know how little babies look like they are sucking when they are asleep?? and they make that sound? Well Jed NEVER stopped doing that. When I would come in to hang out with him while he fell asleep every night that was how I knew he was asleep...I would wait for that sound! The nurses would come in and hear him making that noise and just smile..it was so cute. I miss Jed so much. The missing him makes it hurt to breath sometimes. I want to scream and throw things and cry and just hide in bed...but I cannot do that. First off, I have to go to work, second it would freak everyone out, third, Savannah tries to take care of me but I don't want her to ever feel like she has to carry me..that is unfair....fourth, Danny is having a very difficult time and if I melt down it would not be good and lastly I do not want to do anything that could make Jed sad. I know he is here and around us and I don't want him to worry..... but it is very hard to just keep going. I miss my friend, my sweet boy, my comic relief, my debate opponent, the person that explained Meatwad to me and tried to help me understand what was happening on Chowder. There is nothing that I do not miss about my Jed.
I really miss that little baby sound he made when he was sleeping.
Goodnight baby Jed. Mommy loves you and is missing you so very much.
Love J & K