I received an email back from Robert Brown..or rather the person that handles his schedule. I won't even be having a phone conversation with this guy unfortunately. His book was really good and made sense....but....a one hour phone call session is $500. I know compared to the famous TV ones he is cheaper and he has been doing this for 35 yrs...but ...geeze. His book talks a lot about how important it is for a medium to use his/her gifts to help others. I guess that's... help only the people that can pay that amount. Oh well. Whatever.
Danny is feeling ok. Still very stiff and sore, guess that will last for a bit.
We are still getting cards and notes. Thank you very much. We appreciate all the support and caring.
It feels like I haven't seen Jed in forever but is also feels like he was just smiling at me making snow globes. It sucks. Missing him is the worst pain I could ever have imagined. I know...that's all I talk about but...well...that's all there is to me now. When I came home today from my Dr. appt I ran upstairs to talk to Jed. A minute does not go by that I don't think of him. Everything I do..did..was with Jed. I am missing half of me. It is agonizing and then when I think it just can't be worse....it gets so much worse. I hate this. Things that should be fun or at least distracting are just painful or don't seem to matter. EVERYTHING feels pointless. You know, I have always been an optimistic person. I told someone recently that all my life just when things got to the point where I thought, oh god, what am I going to do, something happened to make the situation bearable and then I knew whatever the problem was things would be better soon. Even through Jed's illness I felt this way......then all of a sudden in October I realized that my help was not arriving. I still thought, ok I guess we have to fight a little more, then things will start to head up. Well it seems that whatever it was that turned up in my life to get me through the bad times forgot about me. Right until the very moment that Jed left I thought, any second now someone is coming in here with the right meds or Jed is going to wake up and then we all can laugh and cry and be amazed, once again, at Jed's resilience. Something HAD to happen....I really really thought that. I didn't expect it to be easy but I was positive someone was going to let me keep my son...and let him have a real life. I mean after more than 7yrs of fighting and working so hard shouldn't he get to win? So now there is no optimism, there is no sunshine around the corner now I know better. There is just life without Jed. I don't understand.
Love J & K
2 comments:
Kristin - Holding you close to my heart- You're right - It's absolutely, completely unfair and horrendous that Jed fought for so long, and for it to end up like this.
Thanks for being here for me and Thomas.- Wish I could bring Jed back for you.
Lisa M.
K= I have these moment's, usually when laying awake in bed where my brain is totally consumed by thoughts and memories of Jed. The loss is so vast that I curl up in pain.....wondering and thinkning of the amazing man i was so excited for him to become...the man that would teach my little man so very much. Jed taught us so very much about life...i was excited for him to teach this to my Jase. The coolest thing about Jed is that he was a teacher to all of his...without even knowing it. And then I think of you. My loss and pain must be just a drop in a huge barrel compared to how you feel every moment. I'm not really sure where I'm going with all this.....just thoughts I have. I keep reading all these other comments about how these memories will eventually be comforting for you....and hope and as my dad says...pray for lack of a better word....that this is all true. The only thing I can think of this morning is that without you and your strenght and ability to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT all these years ....we, everyone who loved your son, would not have had this amazing teacher in our lives. YOU are the reason we were all so very blessed. Jed of course was always our focus of amazement....that blessing in our lives we always thought of when we were upset with what life dealt us....then in the same moment you couldn't help but think of jed then say to yourself....shut up. Jed's the one that should be angry about life's dealt hand. But he never was. Now looking back on what was I think....the man inside that child was ....because of his mother. She was the real teacher, again..without even knowing it. I ache for you and again...pray for lack of a better word that peace is coming for you. Not sure how or when but it just has to. As all of us devoted blog readers have done for years....we keep reading the sad, every day we log on....and read the sad....then one day something miraculous happens to cancel the sad. I log on everday day as I have for years....wondering what's next for Jed....now it's you...Jed was one in a trillion....we love him like he was ours too. Same goes for you. Not that you need to realize that right now...bc it doesn't really matter....but it's true and I needed to say it. The legacy.... and that's what it is...that Jed left with us is amazing. Love Always meg
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