So after all that talking about work and how tired I am yada yada...looks like I have to go to work next week. The new contract takes effect soon, I thought if I didn't come back until after the new contract the only thing in jeopardy was my position in the wheel area and maybe my 1st shift spot...that didn't matter to me much. Now I found out it could possibly be my actual real job in jeopardy. That means I have to go have my Dr. release me on Monday and then I can go to work and start to play all the new games. I'm sure no one knows the actual rules so it should be fun. I guess there is the back to work physical, drug test..and who knows what else. I have to go to the HR office tomorrow to fill out some papers...have no clue what will happen...I am not allowed on the property without an escort......I'd laugh but I have a huge headache and a nice case of laryngitis. I have no idea what is going to happen in the next few weeks or how I am going to do this. I guess they figured , hey it's been almost 4 whole weeks since her son died...she should be over that by now. I am still kinda numb...maybe that's a good thing. Enough.... I suppose I should stop whining..and go to work like everyone else.
I went to breakfast with Dad this morning and Adam and Tiersa and Livi-Mac were there. That kid is a nut. Dad and I then went to see Gram B. It went well. She looks good. She said "well I guess I'll be next to go". I told her "you have been saying that since I was 15....I'm 40 and your still here looking good"!
Anyway, did that then came home and went to my psychologist to talk about myself..even more that I already do. My head hurts and am so tired..but not sleep tired. Sort of nauseous too..guess from the headache.
Tomorrow is Savannah's bone marrow registry drive at PSU York. So if you are not already in the register come on by and get a cheek swab.
Before when I went to work I knew when I came home the good part of my day started...raising my kids. Now when I come home there will be...nothing. Savannah has a life and is independent. She doesn't need to be driven to swimming lessons or any after school things. She doesn't need homework help or a ride to her friend's house. My head hurts too bad to think about this anymore. Besides I just cannot explain it anyway.
Anyway...everything is still ..well nothing is different lets say that. Maybe I'll go to work and just completely fall apart and get sent somewhere for "exhaustion" like celebrities! Yeah I know..not going to happen.
I love you baby Jed and miss you more than words. Nothing is right and everything is empty.
Love J & K