I went to the gym with Savannah tonight. I lasted 10 mins going VERY slow on the elliptical...that's it. I can't explain how exhausted I am! Weird. I had lunch with Dad today. He then went to get his tattoo..all 3 grand kid's initials. It looks good. I did kinda ok almost all day...didn't get anything done though. Yesterday I washed a load of laundry, just 1....it's still in the dryer. I made coffee for Danny and I, once in the morning and once in the evening. I also swept the kitchen floor. So maybe that does count as doing something.
Danny is still very stiff and sore from his hernia operation. Yuck. I am glad he is home though.
Savannah is back in school and slowly going back to all the things she does. I am so glad.
I am too tired to do anything. I am working very hard on trying to hang on to the idea that Jed was a special gift given to us for a specific period of time to teach us specific lessons. He is no longer in pain. There is no fear and no possibility of losing his sight. No after effects of treatment. He is happy and healthy and busy doing Jed things. Watching us and hoping our sadness will ease. This is what I am working on. It is very hard work. I want my sweet guy back. I miss the sarcasm, the nutty Family guy quotes and the many many facts and trivia that he like to spout...somehow they were just always a tad off. Well not always, because god knows he was constantly helping me and correcting me! I miss his smiley little face and I miss the way he made our house lighter and brighter. I am going to try to make him proud and learn from all he taught me. Right now though....I am just so so sad and lost..
I am reading everything I can, trying to find something that helps...there has to be something somewhere right?
Savannah is getting her Jed tattoo in a couple of weeks. It's a tree with Jed's name under it. I have NO idea what I want but I have to have one. He sat with me while I got the one on my shoulder to celebrate the start of our cancer free life. Who knew
Love J & K
I wrote more thank you notes today...I haven't mailed any but I have been writing them. When you finally get one, well, just know there were many things I wanted to say to you but..I'm just not able, my brain is not working quite right If you don't get one from me at all...I am so sorry.
3 comments:
Kristin, there IS someone out there to help you and when you are ready he will be waiting with open arms. You and your family are in my prayers daily. Love Kim
Kristin, the writing sound like their is some calm starting in your life. I am so glad that Danny is there with u right now, great guy..Wish you would consider calling Living Word and talking to someone there, help may be just 3 miles up the road.... read, read, read, learning never stops and help is there... lastly grab a bible and see where it takes u...my peasce smes from my bible and prayer .....my love to u always..plh
Hey . . . been thinking of you. Jed was a gift brought into our lives to teach us specific lessons. It was refreshing to see those words typed by you as I feel the same way. He has taught me to be much calmer and more patient. To not worry about the little stuff that often would frustrate or anger me. He has taught me to take time to smile and laugh more. Because of him I have been motivated to do more with my life. He is my angel, he is OUR angel. His reason here is still being discovered and revealed to us with each day. In some very odd way it may somehow make sense. It is still hard to grasp that notion however. I want to think there was a significant reason and I take comfort in the ways he has influenced change in me. If you need ANYTHING . . . call me. I'm here for you always!
XO
Johnny
B.T.W., I have to thank you for bringing that wonderful person into our lives. I'm so glad we have crossed paths. They say paths cross for a reason and perhaps I'm realizing why ours have. Again, love you.
John
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