I have no idea what these two are doing....I'm sure it's something they shouldn't..

Thanksgiving 2008 a holiday memory to treasure. Jed's favorite holiday...being the "foodie" he is.

Today Jaz's mom, Tammy, text Savannah to tell her she had a hello from Jed. She said as she was driving from the hospital she was talking to "anyone up there that would listen". As soon as she stopped talking a digital time and temp sign grabbed her attention....it was 2:22 and 66 degrees. Tammy said she knew immediately that Jed heard her. I know Jed will hold her hand and give her strength. Jaz starts chemo again tomorrow and is to have a "mini" transplant from her previous donor to help build the cells. I won't give you all the other details, just send her strength and loving thoughts. I just looked up at the clock it's 7:55. Jed and his numbers. It is my constant reminder that he is right here with me.
I spoke with Kate today. That is Dan's nephew's wife. Our soon to be St. Croix hosts. I am excited to go. This will be very different for Savannah and I. When we go somewhere and stay with others, 98% of the time it is our family. This will be all Dan's. His sister is coming from California also. So it will be a full house but tons of fun I'm sure. Sun, warmth and turquoise water..what's not to like!
I skipped my computer class today. I don't feel great. It's one of those things that comes and goes. It's never bad enough to stay in bed but some days I just ache all over & then it goes away for days. I didn't miss anything in that class anyway. I think I did ok on my environmental science test today. We'll see on Wednesday.

Ocean City 2008...the water was pretty cold! Love this picture.
Jed, I feel like I'm living in limbo. I am waiting for something but I don't know what. The luncheon? Maybe, but it feels bigger than that or maybe it's just because I have no tether. Your not here to give me purpose and focus. When I was driving to school this morning over the bridge the view was beautiful. The sun was shining on the water and the trees were so green. It's really hard to comprehend that fall is coming. Last year we were trying to keep your last chemo a secret so we could surprise you and I was planning your end of chemo party. There was such hope. I really thought if I acted and thought there was only one outcome I could force it to be so. Welp, now I know, it doesn't work that way. I have to say though, every time I start to write about you making it through transplant and all that came after.....I would not want that for you. I would not want you to just keep struggling. I am so happy for you, you are healthy and free from all that hell. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this is my life now....but I am so very very happy for you. Like I have said many times....I would never wish you home and back to that. But oh my...I miss you so. Mommy loves you.
Love J & K