Liz shows Jed some moves

Liz shows Jed some moves
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Dancing the night away at THON 2009. Jed and Lizzie.
Danny and I are in Philadelphia. We walked around a bit today....just so everyone knows....antique row....um..not much there! We just got back from seeing Tom Petty. LOVE HIM. He is my all time fave. He was so awesome. I am glad we came. I could have very easily said no and stayed home but I'm glad we didn't. He was rockin'. When I see him I feel like a 3 year old seeing Elmo. In 2 different places in that arena there were little tiny moths flying around me. I kept thinking why does this place have bugs....Danny said it was the closest thing Jed could get to a butterfly in there! Tomorrow I think we are going to South Street and to the Market at the Piazza before we head home. Philly is a great city. I have only ever been here 1 other time and that was when mom, Savannah, Jed and I came to see the King Tut exhibition and we only went to the museum and back to the train station. So this is the first time I have walked around. I like it here.
Jeddie, I didn't get your grass seed watered tonight. I think it will be ok. I almost text mommo a few times to check on you since I was away.....but then I remembered....you are fine and in a place where I do not have to worry about you....but I miss you terribly. My mission whenever I went anywhere without you was to bring you something home....It's a hard habit to break. Oh Jeddie, I wish I would get home and you would be there, hanging in your room. I miss you Jed...so so much.
Mommy loves you
love J & K

Jed and Big Jon. I just cannot express how much this guy helped Jed. More than anyone EVER could, he eased Jed's anxiety. He took time out of his evenings to come and hang with Jed. They talked about "guy" stuff. Jed met Jon when he went to camp, Jon is a counselor. Jon's wife Jen is one of Jed's nurses. Jen and Jon BOTH had 2 transplants so when Jon came in the room and discussed the ins and outs of broviacs and different meds and such Jed really listened. I think Jon should be on staff at Hershey Med. I know he was trying ot get a job as an aide but they were not hiring...Jon is a resource that cannot be duplicated. He has really been on my mind lately. Actually what has been on my mind is the feeling I felt from Jed when I walked into the room after a visit from Jon. You could feel the difference in his anxiety level. I am so grateful to Jon for helping Jed. He made more of a difference than he will ever know. Not only was Jon someone that KNEW what Jed was living..he was a GUY....huge deal! They talked about Family Guy, Simpsons, Star Wars and video games. Sometimes Jon even brought a friend with him to visit. His compassion and caring is a beautiful thing. I am hoping that Jon and Jen come to the luncheon so all can meet them. Thank you Jon....so very much.
Ok, back to me...cause it is all about me right? Right Trish?! Anyway, I am officially registered for school full time. Savannah went with me to meet my advisor and pick my classes. The Lancaster campus is really nice. I don't think it is much closer than Harrisburg but the commute is a completely different way....I am SO tired of driving up 83. Time for a new daily drive. The way my schedule is set up this semester I have Fridays off. I just hope all this works out and I can actually afford to do this full time. I can collect unemployment in October and I should be getting my severance pay next month so at least for now it seems ok. We shall see. I am taking 12 credits....it doesn't seem like much when I look at my schedule but I'm sure I will have more on my plate than I really want to. Business law, environmental science, software for business & intro to paralegal studies. I am sure I will be whining away on here as the semester goes on.
Tomorrow Danny and I are going to Philly to see Tom Petty. He is one of my favorites. We are staying the night and will be home on Sunday. I am excited to go....slightly anxious to be away from my house...and Jed's room. But I know we will have a good time.
Jed's buddy Jase, Grace and Jim's grandson, is 4 this weekend....happy birthday Jase.
Good night Jeddie. I found out that the guy who walks his German Sheppard at the cemetery is the one that placed the flag near your stone. That was nice of him. I am missing you Jed...more and more everyday. This really sucks and it's not getting any easier...at all. UGH. So I heard you are visiting Grandma, coming along with Granddad sometimes. She said there is a man and a blonde boy that sit on her bench in the apartment and the boy wiggles his fingers at her. Keep an eye on her Jeddie. Mommy loves you....forever
Love J & K

Camp Can Do August 2008

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

The thing that got Jed to go to camp....the outdoor cooking segment!
I was given a wonderful gift last night in the form of a message forwarded to me from Savannah. Maddie, a cancer survivor and PSU York's THON child, sent Savannah her best memory of Jed. It was so wonderful. Jed did not get to be a normal kid often and he very rarely did anything that I was not present for. To read a story about Jed that I knew nothing about is very special....I don't know how many stories there are like that. I love seeing Jed through another person's eyes especially another child. With Maddie's permission here is her story.

Subject: hope to make your day
So I leave for camp can do this weekend and I can't stop thinking about when Jed went 2 years ago. He was telling everyone all week that he was going to ask a special girl to the dance. All week he wore his green crocs up and down all those hills. The dance came on thursday and he still hadn't asked his "special girl". He was walking around and pacing in the funk when everyone started walking into the funk, the building wear they held the dance. He danced with his friends for a while and then stopped. Brii Sarina and I were sitting outside the building because it was really hot when he walked out. He stood there and then came over and started talking to us. He then leans over and asks me to dance. So we danced. I can't remember the song, the time, or what he was wearing besides his green crocs but we danced and danced. First with me, then with Brii and I and by the end of the night he was surrounded by girls. What a ladies man haha. But we danced and that is memory that will last forever. Hopefully this makes you smile because that was the purpose. I love you tons and I think every single person that met him has a little piece he left behind for them to keep until they meet again. Love you tons Savannah!♥. Hopefully talk to you soon. Love maddie.

How wonderful is that story? I laughed and cried and cannot think of it without doing all of that again. I can picture Jed being nervous, then sucking it up and asking and then.....I can picture him dancing....AAHHH I wish I had video.
I would love to hear any other stories about Jed. Please send them to me and I will post them (unless you ask me not too).
Jeddie....Danny told me today that he picked up his phone and somehow it was online and showing Fox cartoons. Of course it was Family Guy that was playing on his phone! and...when he was texting me to tell me about it Rock Star came on the radio.... :) you were busy to day buddy! I am missing you more than I could ever say. Mommy Loves You
Love J & K

September 2007

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Jed and his dog friend Bobby. There were 2 things that could get Jed out of bed, bingo and Wednesday evening dog therapy. I knew he was really feeling bad when he would skip one or both of those. This dog was one of his favorites. There was also a bloodhound, a golden retriever & a little thing...he wasn't wild about the little one because it was too hard to bend down that far to pet it! He is also wearing his favorite hat in this picture. It was the first hat I ever knitted and he wore a hole in it. Now it is on his pillow in his room.
His little brother should have gotten the light saber Savannah and I sent him for his birthday. I know Jed would have wanted him to have it. I hope he gets it and gets to keep it....but I have no control over that. We sent it, that's as much as we can do.
I just watered my grass seed again. I also trimmed the grass again today. I noticed that where there was already grass before, my grass seed is growing...under that grass. But where there was just dirt....still no grass. So it is super duper thick or completely bald. Of course it is.
UM, why are the Jersey shore stupid people ringing the opening bell on Wall Street? Good God that is the dumbest thing ever....no wonder the stock market sucks...who put them there?
As you can tell....I have no life. But hey, I had no kitchen sink leaks and I didn't spill any paint today so I guess it was an ok day. I even vacuumed....yay me.
When I write this I spend more time staring blankly into space than I do actually writing. What am I thinking about when I stare blankly into space?....nothing..absolutely nothing. I like it that way.
Jeddie, your long, elegant, beautiful fingers are on my mind today. I held those fingers a lot over our 12 years together. You used to rub my forehead when I had a headache. You'd rub for a bit and then you'd say, "ok, there, now it's better" and it always was. Now it will never be better. Empty...I just feel empty without you here, The missing is so deep there is no bottom. Keep holding me up Jed, I cannot do it without you. I need you to help me keep going.
Mommy Loves you
Love J & K

Just after I posted this Savannah forwarded me a message from a girl that was at camp with Jed 2 years ago. If she gives me permission I will post it here. It is just a lovely story from a lovely girl...about a beautiful boy.

Jed and Uncle Adam June 2002

Jed and Uncle Adam June 2002
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Adam and Jed on the tractor....this was just a couple of weeks after his original diagnosis. Jed loved to drive things...and he was good at it, a natural. Teaching him to drive my car would have been a blast. He used to ramp his battery operated four wheeler over the sidewalk at The Ranch. When I first put Savannah into a battery operated barbie jeep she tried to adjust the mirrors so she could see herself and then she asked who was going to drive her! She turned out to be a very good driver....we were all shocked!

Have you read her blog? It's good. Much more entertaining than mine and her pictures are great too.

I walked with Grace this morning, then we went to breakfast...and Dad and Uncle Jack came in. When Grace dropped me at home later mom picked me up. We went to Home Depot to get.....a padded toilet seat..whoohoo. Gram needed it. Her butt is so bony...me, I carry my padding with me. After we took it to her Mom and I were going to go swim but she decided to go to the casino with Jack and Kathi and Dad. So instead of swimming Savannah and I went out to look for a cabinet for the kitchen. There is a place here that has stuff donated from contractors and they sometimes have kitchen cabinets...but of course not today. We also checked out the architectural salvage place they have way cool stuff....way expensive too. We came home with a big nothing. Danny and I had our "date night"...appointments with our respective therapists...yeehaw. Afterward we went to The Saloon for dinner. Savannah was working next door and joined us for soup and dessert. That is the extent of my exciting day. Oh yeah, Savannah and I mailed Jed's light saber to Phin today for his birthday. I know Jed would want him to have it. Savannah wrote him a note explaining that it was Jed's and we wanted him to have something of his brother's.

I guess that's all. Like I said, Savannah's blog is much more interesting!

Jeddie babe the light saber is on it's way. I know you are glad about that. I am missing you...of course. Right now it is 10:10 pm. I know when I look at the clock and I get double numbers sometimes triple numbers that it is your way of reminding me that you are right here with me all the time. I am so glad you do that...I need it. Mommy loves you sweet pea. I hope I get to see you soon.

Love J & K

Stud :)

Stud :)
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Love this pic! He must have gone through 2 bottles of hair spray a week during the "spike" phase!
When Dan was getting his tattoo on Friday I was saying that I want my Jed tattoo but I don't know what to get. As the conversation went on I was telling them about the butterflies that are always around when I am at the pool. The tattoo guy said "well duh, what do you think you should get tattooed?!!" I hadn't really considered that because they are such a typical tattoo. Mom and I went and hung out with Grace at the pool today. I had not been there 5 mins when a butterfly landed on my leg. It sat there for a bit and then flew away. Then later it landed on Mom's arm and then Grace's arm! The medium said "Jed will send you butterflies" ...very cool. Guess I am getting a butterfly or 2 or 3...
I dropped an entire gallon of white paint that I had opened the day before. I dropped it near the back of the shelf in this little corner....of course the lid popped off and the the can fell over. Holy crap what a mess. I had to take everything out of the pantry...again.. I just did that the other day! It was everywhere. What a huge mess. Cleaning up an entire gallon of paint is not fun. I had a slight moment of "I wonder what would happen if I just pretended it didn't happen and left it there". But I didn't. I did the responsible grown up thing and cleaned up the freakin mess. Earlier I was cleaning under the kitchen sink and I realized that things were wet. I touched the bottom of the curved pipe and it felt soft, then all of a sudden the water really started pouring out. The pipe had rusted through on the bottom. Dad came over and while he was looking at it Danny came home. So he ran and got the part and Dad fixed it. So far...so good...no leaks. To end my day on a great note I got on the scale and saw that I have gained 8lbs since I came home from the hospital. Not Good. Gotta fix that.
Jed man, I miss you. I really really really miss you. I wonder how long I have to stay here without you. I just see this long long lonely road rolling out in front of me. I know you are on the other end but it just seems so very far away. Mommy loves you...so so much
Love J & K

Jed's 1st tomato

Jed82
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

I think the veggies notice that Jed is not here to give them constant attention. They must feel my apathy, they are growing but with no real vigor.
It has been 3 years since Savannah assisted me in ripping down a big ugly cabinet in our kitchen. So all this time our dishes have been sitting on the counter. Today....today we finally put up the open shelves I had planned to put up 3 years ago. They look great and I'm glad they are up. Now the only part of the kitchen I have not cleaned or weeded is the top of the fridge. The top of the fridge is the "med" shelf. There are 2 baskets up there full of Jed's meds. It seems like the top of the fridge is staring at me....like that small space is growing bigger.....looming over the rest of the kitchen. I guess at some point I will have to do something about it. Savannah had a good idea. She said not to go through the meds just move the baskets...away somewhere. But I am not sure how I will feel looking up and not seeing the med baskets. I miss my son.
He would be so happy with the shelves. Every time I changed something in the house he loved it. It's very hard to change even the slightest thing now though because I don't want anything to be different. But really....I guess everything is different....and always will be.
Missing you Jeddie. I could hear you saying "holy fish paste mom" when you saw how many plastic containers I pulled out from under the cabinet! I had so many I gave Mommo a garbage bag full...they were hers originally anyway! Oh Jed, I hate this. I don't want it to be this way. I want you back....I just want you back...
Mommy loves you....forever....always....more and more
Love J & K

One year ago today....Jed with all his loot from the Carlisle BikeFest. Last year I was runner up in the "biker makeover" and when Jed was too sick to come with me Sara, Jodi and Rick collected all this stuff from the vendors for Jed. He was thrilled. Today was this year's biker make over. They held it in memory of Jed. Dad and Uncle Jack took me up so I could see everyone. Danny had to work. It was so nice to see them. I wanted to stay until the "big reveal" at 4:30 but it was just WAY too hot. If I am complaining about the heat you know it's hot! I was afraid I would kill Dad and Uncle Jack! So we came on home about 1pm. Talk about HOT ride..holy god. Sara gave me a bag of Pampered Chef stuff for the silent auction (because she knows Jed loves to cook). She also gave me a framed pic of a motorcycle from a friend of hers. It is really cool and will be a great silent auction item. She was really busy so I hung out and bugged Jodi for a while and then I had to get the old guys home.... :) so we left. I didn't get to see Sara before I left but Danny and I might go back tomorrow...depending on how hot it is. Everyone was so nice and I was very glad I got to see them. I was also glad dad and Uncle Jack took me over. I was going to ride my bike but it was just too hot to put my boots on!
Danny worked all day in this miserable heat. When he came home I took him to dinner and then we watered the grass seed.....still not growing....But IT WILL.
Missing you baby Jed. I know you were with me today....I know you are with me everyday. Come see me in my dreams. Mommy loves you spaghetti head.
Love J & K

Danny's tattoo. He just got it an hour ago...it hurt...lots of shading, feels like little needles scraping your skin. After about 2 weeks or so he will go back and get some more shading done. That is Livi-Mac he is holding.

I rode my bike this evening....1st time since September. Just not the thrill it used to be. Just missed getting hit by a bus...damn. The stupid guy sped up to try to not let me merge...I merged anyway.

ok, that's all for now.

Good night Jeddie. Thanks for going for a ride with me. Missing you more and more..so tired of being without you...I wish...I just wish.

Mommy loves you...more than the world

Love J & K

Jed and Savannah Easter 1998

Jed145
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Not much to say today....so I will just thank everyone for their continued love and support. Everyday is very hard....some are just a bit less hard. The missing him is not any better....if anything it is worse. Knowing there are many people out there thinking of Jed at various times over the course of the day is a great comfort.
Don't forget to check Savannah's blog for luncheon updates and also you can buy your tickets right online...there is a link on her blog for that.
http://savannah-renee.blogspot.com/
Good night baby love. Mommy is missing you. Boy, is that an understatement. Mommy loves you sweet pea....always
Love J & K

Look at their smiles...

that was fun!
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

My guys....smiling away after Jed tortured Danny on a roller coaster. When it comes to rides Jed is fearless. Any roller coaster you put in front of him he would ride. Danny is terrified of them, DJ flatly refuses to to get on them and I get very sick.....well at Busch Gardens Danny and I took turns with him. I spent the day dizzy and slightly nauseous. Danny was just trying not to pass out from fright. But all in all I think Jed had a good time.
Today I was in Wal-Mart looking for plastic storage tubs for all the junk in the pantry. As I was standing there I kept thinking I have been here,alone, looking at these same tubs recently for something else. All of a sudden it hit me. I did that when I was getting things ready for transplant. It was just an odd feeling.
Feeling kind of flat...that's good though that means I am not a falling apart mess. Flat is good, I'll take flat.
Good night Jeddie. The vision of your beautiful smile is both comforting and painful. I found the sea shells you collected on Assateague last summer. I put them in a jar. The only thing in that bag besides the shells was 1 quarter...guess you already know that. Thank you. I think DJ put his shells at the cemetery, there are some strung and put around your light. Remember how many D collected? He had a ton of them! Missing you my friend. It is very quiet here. The house is extremely different without your voice and laugh and funny comments. It's flat....just like I feel. Oh Jed...oh my lovey...I am missing you so
Mommy Loves You
Love J & K

August 2008 at Camp

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Jed the fisherman. The only part of camp he liked! Jed was not wild about sleeping in a cabin with a bunch of other people, showering everyday with cold water and just being without his creature comforts. I do not blame him at all!
I went to Roots market today with Mom, Savannah & Grace. Jed liked to go there. He would get different kinds of cheese...he liked to look for "imported cheeses"....and he liked to pick out veggies...but not eat them. He did usually eat some of the fruit he would pick out. Grace and I used to take him when he was very small. I would work 3rd shift then come home and pick them up and drive over to market. I had this picture of him in my head all day n his cool black stroller, big blond afro, leaning forward in his seat so he could see while eating a big warm soft pretzel.
I am watching Deadly Catch. We all are fans. This is the Capt Phil episode. I just keep wondering.....did Jed meet him? I know I know but hey.....why not.
Anyway.
Jed I am missing you. Watching our shows without you sucks. How's Capt. Phil up there? Everyday...every single day..I am stunned that your sweet little smile will never be here with me again. I hope my life goes really quickly!!!! I don't know if your absence will ever not completely stun me. I keep waiting for something to happen and I find out all this was some colossal mistake. It cannot be real. I hate this. I really hate being here without you.
Mommy loves you baby Jed....always
Love J & K

Medicino CA 2001 3 yrs old

Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

You can't see it but he is smiling....not that that is a surprise.
I took my placement test this morning. I did not take the math portion so the hope is I won't have to . There is no math in my program ...thank god. I really would love to not do anything but do my pseudo sewing, half assed knitting, pretend baking, slightly apathetic gardening, hard core reading, some sun bathing and a few sad little crafty projects. But unfortunately that does not pay the mortgage.. :( so it's off to school I go so when I grow up I can get a job that pays the mortgage. I know....I'm a bit late to this game..but..what are ya gonna do, right?
Nana text me yesterday. She does word finds...a lot. Jed LOVED word finds...Savannah does too. Anyway, quite a few times in the last couple of months Jed has popped up...not as a word to find just stuck in the puzzle. Her newest one had Jed, Holly, Micheal and Love! (Mike and Holly are Nana and Pappaw) It was just Jed stopping in to say hi.
That was clever Jeddie. I am missing you. I miss having you to talk to, I miss hearing your opinions and comments. I miss listening to you explain stuff to me. I just miss you. It is not getting easier....not at all. I don't know why it has to be like this. I do not like it. The missing you...is awful. Mommy loves you baby Jed...forever
Love J & k

here we are! williamsburg va

here we are! williamsburg va
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Jed's 12 birthday trip September 2009. I NEED to see my son. I am missing his funny smile and smart mouth and sweet caring personality. UGH...sigh...ok getting it together....
SO, anyway We swam at Grace and Jim's today and they fed us ...again! The weather was wonderful and the water was perfect.It was nice to just hang out...Danny needs that. It is so horribly hot at work.
I have been feeling kind of out of it the last few days. Grief does such weird things to you. Imagine that....and I am weird to begin with.
Danny and I stopped by and watered my grass seed. It WILL grow.
Tomorrow I have my placement test for college. I took 2 "sample" tests and I got every question correct that had to do with reading, english, writing (there is no spelling thank god). I only got 9 questions correct on the math....out of 30. I cannot even comprehend the explanations on all the school age study websites. Very sad. Makes my head hurt. I was told I did not have to take the math portion of this test because there is no math in my program. The lady that scheduled my test said she had never heard of that. I guess I will find out....fingers crossed for no math.
I guess that's it. i pretty much have nothing to write about...I pretty much have no life and I pretty much don't really care...so on that cheery note..
I am missing you my funny friend, Life is so gray without you here. Actually when it feels just gray and blank that is better than the really bad days. Nothing is right. I wish I would wake up and realize that I have been in a coma and all this is a dream...this cannot be how it really is now. This is too hard and too miserable and how could such a beautiful soul with such a beautiful smile not be here on earth anymore. What am I supposed to do? Just keep plodding along? oh yipee. I am trying, I really am.
Mommy loves you sweat pea...oh and nurse Kimmy had a little boy...but I guess you already know that :)
love J & k

Dan and Jed picking up Dan's new bike

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

I took a ride with Danny today. I rode with him....in Jed's spot. I have not ridden my bike since last October. Sometimes I think I might want to....then I think..nope. I like being in Jed's seat. We rode for 2 hours on all these little roads along the river and ended up about 15 mins from home! We then headed up the river further and had lunch on the deck at a restaurant near Harrisburg. It was a nice ride...the ride home was very hot! While we were along the river we saw a little lane we have never been by before...
J3 Smith lane.... :)
Savannah and I went out to do some running around..looking for baskets and that basket wrap that shrinks with a hair dryer for our silent auction stuff, Joanne fabric had it but we are going to try to find it cheaper. Thank you to everyone that is helping us get goodies. We are still in need of maybe some electronics and a weekend get-a-way, services like house cleaning..etc. If anyone knows anyone that would like to donate please email Savannah srs0504@gmail.com. The link to her blog is in the right hand corner with the link to Danny's. We are grateful for ALL donations. We have 2 different wine tastings at 2 local vineyards. One is for 10 people and 1 is for 12!
She and I just got back from the cemetery. We reseeded, put down some started fertilizer. It is actually paper pellets with fertilizer in them. When they get wet they expand and hold the water so the grass seed stays wet longer. As I was seeding, she was reading the container...the stuff was invented by Penn State! ...of course it was. I also put a little red pinwheel and a little red butterfly there too. I know Jed is rolling his eyes right now!
As we were riding along, I was thinking of Jed...of course and thinking of DJ and how it will be watching him grow up. Knowing that all his milestones are ones I cannot share with Jed. On the other hand knowing that DJ will be going through life carrying Jed in his heart is so beautiful. Not many people get a friend like D....such a great guy. I haven't seen him in a bit. I always feel bad because I cry when I see him and he is a 12 yr old boy.....how fair is that? Poor guy! Those 2 were such a great pair. I miss my "boys"! But right when I was starting to get to the point I try to avoid....the point where I know there is no hope...I will never have what I need and what I want...this is it.. at that exact point... a little blue bird flew right past us. Thanks lovey.
I miss you Jeddie...more and more and more. I am not liking this at all ..it sucks and I want you home. oh Jeddie...Mommy Loves you
Love J & K

Savannah and I were with Grace today in the pool. There was a little butterfly that had been flying around my head. It went to Grace and flew all around her, practically up her nose, It landed on her head and just sat there a few different times. It really was messing with her. It was very funny. So like Jed...who would pick on her in the pool. The butterfly flew around Savannah and then around me and we thought it was gone. I got out and it was sitting on my towel. I stood there for a long time and it just sat there. I went to get my phone to take a picture and it flew to the book I was reading and sat on it. Look at the title of the book...and what it is about....and the cover picture....it stayed for a long time and then it just flew off and didn't come back. (my butterfly is the little thing at the top of the book over the A in Anderson....not the big monarch in the picture) Jed is getting very good at this. It is pretty cool. I love it.
I got my acceptance letter from HACC...our local area community college. WHoohoo...aahh pretty funny. Do they NOT accept some people? I don't think so. I have been wondering how I will do having more than one class at a time. Keeping things straight is not my strong point....it never was, now it is much worse. Today as we were running around Savannah asked me to go through dunkin' donuts drive thru. So I pulled into the drive thru line.....at the bank. When I finally did make it to the dunkin' donuts line... the girl gave me the change & I almost drove off before getting Savannah's breakfast.
Last night I was sitting here and Savannah says "are you even breathing?" She asked me what I was thinking about and I swear it was absolutely nothing...I was so blank I wasn't even breathing. I sometimes do that..I used to do it at work often. I'd feel light headed and a bit sick and not know why,,,all of a sudden it would occur to me that I am not getting enough oxygen to my brain. it's amazing how a few deep breaths clear your head sometimes. I know I know...weird... are you shocked...I think not.
Tonight I went over and was going to water my rose bushes but when I got there I realized the grass needed to be trimmed...not my grass seed grass...that has not grown....the weedy grass that was there. Savannah brought Danny's little weed whacker over for me and I trimmed everything. Then I trimmed the rose bushes and watered them. Tomorrow I am going to the store, getting more seed and this stuff that you sprinkle on it that helps control the moisture and helps it grow. I will not give up my quest for good grass. That stupid dirt does not understand that I WILL make it grow grass.
I had a very not nice moment today....it only happened it my head but still.....I heard that a boy who was sick around the time Jed was sick the very first time is celebrating 4 yrs off treatment. Of course my immediate thought was oh wow sooo awesome, I got a bit teary eyed thinking of how great that is.....then I had my not nice thought....I was pissed. WTF... I WANT THAT...with MY SON. Why does that family...that kid.. get to celebrate and we are living this hell. I went through the "who the F decides this crap" and the "it's not F'n fair" & "maybe I should have done this or that" Blah blah blah.....I know better. I know Jed was only supposed to be here for 12 years he taught many people many things and he brought many people together. He did amazing things. He also changed the view a lot of nurses and Docs had about pain meds....not enough of them but some. Which is wonderful because it could sometimes be such an argument to get pain meds. My favorite answer when he would ask a few certain nurses for his meds, "why don't I come back in 10 minutes and see if you still need it" AAAAHHHH, that one would really send me off! Jed helped fix a lot of that. Anyway I have my beliefs as to what Jed came here for and I know it is a divine plan BUT I still get a bit pissed...I'm working on that. I just miss my son....so so much...this is torture,,,,it sucks
Jeddie Mommy Loves you......always always always. Come see me in my dreams
Love J & K

My peoples..summer 2008

Jed102
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Hi all
I don't feel much like writing...too much reality for me.
My mom got me this really cool red cabinet for my kitchen today. We wanted to put it on the wall but it's pretty old and weighs a ton so we put it on the floor...looks cool. For the 1st time since sometime in 2007 my dishes have a home...they have been on the counter. Savannah helped me rip down a big ugly cabinet from the wall years ago and we never put anything back up.
I walked this morning with Grace.....I am starting to jiggle just a bit too much..figured I better try to look like I'm making an effort. I do not like to exercise at all, in anyway. I don't want to extend my life or anything but I would like to be mobile for all of it so I figured I better move around and see if my legs have an muscles in them. Going again tomorrow.
Danny had to work overtime yesterday and today....he is also working 2 Saturday's coming up. It is so miserably hot in there. Harley is a joke. They sell this whole "Harley Family" thing...that is their brand...guess what..all they care about is the money people will shell out for their increasingly poorly made products. I'm sure my grammar is wrong in there somewhere. Anyway... they suck.
Ok, I'm done.
Jeddie babe....I am missing you..my heart hurts. It is so hopelessly lonely without you. It is a space NO ONE can fill but you. Mommy loves you baby Jed. more and more and always.
Love J & K

Ocean City, MD 2008

Go carts make them happy
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Love this pic. Jed had a great time on those go carts but he ended up with bruises all down his back because they were so rough. I didn't ride with them at this track because a day earlier, at another track, I realized i have a problem. When I found myself bumping my 10 yr old son....that had cancer.....so I could get around the corner faster...I knew I should not be on a go-kart....ever. After that I left the go karts to the guys!
I saw my Gram today. She is so funny. One minute she is here and present next she is back in Baltimore....where she hasn't lived since Savannah was very small. She knew who I was....except for a brief second when she said "does your daughter have long hair?" I said yes, she said, "you had very long hair when I met you". I told her Gram, I was bald when you met me....you were there when I was born! She just started laughing and said, "oh, yeah". She thought I was my mom I guess. I was worried that I would have to tell her about Jed but she had not forgotten. She did say that she was afraid to die. I told her..."do not be afraid, you will be the first of us to see Jed". Then I mentioned all the people she will see, her husband, mother, father, brother......and her son that she has not seen in 60 years. That makes me nauseous....60 years away from my child. Welp, I don't have to worry about that..oh dear god I will be one miserable human if I have to live to be 101. Anyway, she said she had never thought of all of that and now she feels better. I hope she doesn't forget. She needs to be reminded to not be afraid...all those people will be there to meet her, that's pretty exciting. Of course...I do not wish for her to leave & when she does I will be sad...but I will be so happy for her. Also knowing she is with Jed is comforting. I wanted to explain to her that the sign I want from whoever gets to see Jed before me is...2 dimes and a nickle....together. My friend Ralph...hi Ralph....came up with that. I think it is so great! He said if he sees Jed before me he will leave me 2 dimes and a nickle! Now I am telling everyone! I know, I have a slight preoccupation with the "other side"....sorry, that's where my kid is so of course I am slightly fixated on the place. Anyway now ALL of you know...if you see Jed before me send me 2 dimes and a nickle..thank you.
Thank you to those people that still read and thanks to the people that leave me messages. If you are reading this...even just once in awhile then you are remembering Jed. That is all I want.....keep remembering Jed.
I went to the grocery store tonight...alone....I made it through....even managed to get most of the things on my list but it was a very quiet, sad march up and down the aisles. It's weird to look at people...watch them shop, talk on the phone, yell at their kids...I feel so different than all of them. I feel like when people look at me they see how damaged I am....how half of me is missing. Then I realize that I look fairly normal to them (yes, I know I have never been normal) anyway, It's odd to think that people look at me and think I am just like everyone else. I am not.
I found myself staring at the steaks looking for the best one.....then I remembered. Missing you big Jed. so so so much. Can't wait to see you.
Mommy Loves You
Love J & K

Savannah and our friend Mr. Smith....how sweet is he? I want one.
Nothing else to say really. The last few days have been suckier than usual. I know all I do is bitch and moan...but..
Going to see my Gram tomorrow, she is home from the hospital....hope she knows who I am.
Jeddie...come with us tomorrow. I am soooo missing you my friend. I look at your picture and I think...Really? your kidding me....this is REAL? Oh my God...no no no no. I wish I could wish you home to me.
Mommy Loves you baby Jed
Love J & K

Jed Savannah and Katie

Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Katie is now 4. She came with Suzy, her mom, Alli, her baby sister and Paula her Grandma....to my mom's for lunch with us and A. Livi-Mac was so happy to have 2 little girls in the house! Jed would have been so happy too. It was an all girls day....Jed was always with us for the all girl days! It was extremely hard to be without him. He loves little kids and babies....he would have had such a good time today. Today was nice....but very hard.
This morning I was making "doubled" eggs (Jed's name for deviled eggs). I swear I heard him up stairs whistling for me...I had a fraction of a second where I was so over joyed...happier than I can remember being in forever...then it was gone. It was just a bird outside I guess. Sometimes I wish I would just disappear. This is too hard....just way too hard.
Oh Jeddie....I have no words....everyday is worse....everyday is harder...everyday I miss you more.
Mommy Loves you
Love J & K

Grace's Bday 2009...

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Jed is singing to her while she reads her card. Jed is always the entertainment.
Not much to say today.
Missing my kid....a lot.
Lunch tomorrow at Mom's with Aunt Paula, Suzy, her girls, Savannah, Tiersa, The Mac and A.
Tuesday I think I have to go to the hospital to see my other Gram. I am wondering if she will know who I am.
Jeddie Spaghetti, I am really missing you. I dusted your room today. I would like to give your light saber to your little brother for his birthday but I am not sure what to do about that. I am trying to figure out a way that I can know for sure he will receive it. Let me know if you want me to give it to him....can you do that? Oh Jed, ....I have no words for how much I am missing you. It is a constant pain...come see me in my dreams.
Mommy Loves You.............forever
Love J & K

The sign at the antique shop :)

August 2009

August 2009
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Assateague Island...Jed, my beach bum.
It's raining. I know we really need it,,,,but it is so depressing.
You know you live in a small town when you go to the mall to pick up patio chairs and your brother is leaving the mall....then you go to Sam's club and your brother is there shopping. That's what happened this morning when I was out with mom.
Later Savannah and I ran down to the antique store in town. I am looking for old chenille bed spreads to cut up and use ...in stuff...I think right now I just am obsessed with cutting them up. Anyway she and I wandered around. We went into one little area and there was an awesome old little table....but I do not need another table. We spent a great deal of time in this little area but didn't see anything we had to have. We went all over the building and checked out the basement too. On the way out we happened to walk over to that one section with the table again. All of a sudden Savannah said...LOOK, I looked up and there was a big sign that said Everything marked JED is 15% off in big red letters! How did we miss that before?? very weird, I would swear those signs were not there 10 mins earlier. We realized that all the stuff in that section was marked Jed. Now Grace had an antique store event just like this....I thought she had said it happened in Dallastown...we were in Red Lion so I was not even thinking about that. It was so funny. Savannah and I decided that we had to buy something from that section and keep the tag on in. Almost everything in there was kitchen stuff!!!!! I looked up and there was a big glass bowl...kinda looked like a fish bowl, it had an S on it. Savannah wanted that. I found a glass jar with a lid to keep my Jed quarters in...it's an old ALL Spice jar. as we are looking at all this stuff marked Jed there are so many funny things....lots of old medicine tins...Meds are big in our house, there was a sign that said Smith bros cough drops...just so many funny things. Jed is just getting SO good at this stuff. Savannah tried to tell me that when we went into the basement they had a juke box playing....Jeremiah was a bull frog...I always sang that to Jed but put Jedediah in for the name. I wasn't paying attention but Savannah caught it right away. I wish I had written down every little thing that happened in there. It was great. I used to take Jed there with me all the time. He was such a good sport wandering around with me. Oh there was also a harmonica with a JED tag....Jed loved his harmonica when he was little. So my Jed quarters are in my jar....we made the lady leave the tags on our stuff...they thought we were crazy. oh well. They just didn't get the fact that Jed was antiquing with us today.
Boy that was a lot of rambling.
Goodnight baby Jed. Thanks for the fun time at the antique store today. Still missing you every second. I cannot believe this is my reality now...it is just so very wrong...I hate it. Come see me in my dreams. Mommy loves you...more than anything.
Love J & K

Gettysburg Bike week 2007

Jed loved the Budweiser Clydesdales.

He and Danny had a great time at the vendor stands.
Jed was way cool in his shades.
Always happy to stay in a hotel.
This was our 1st trip to Gettysburg bike week. It's barely an hour from our house but after riding up there and walking around Jed was exhausted so we stayed the night. He always loves to stay in a hotel!
We went again in 2008 but only spent the day. Last year Danny and I went for a few hours but Jed didn't feel well enough. He stayed with my mom for the afternoon.
Now Bike week 2010 is here....we are not going. I have zero desire to go. It was so much fun with Jed. Last year was a bit boring but we bought him stuff...this year...there is just no reason to go. But really....everything feels that way....just no reason for it. Pointless. I know that is pretty morose but it's just how it is I guess.
Savannah and I did go see Trish and Lucas today. Nurse Jill and her son Kolton were there and Nona was there for a bit too. It was SOOOOO good to see them. We talked about our boys a lot...it's nice to be with someone that knows exactly what we are talking about. Jill is no longer a nurse at Hershey. After she had her son she just could not take dealing with the hell of 7 west. I don't blame her.
Kolton and Lucas were so funny to watch and cute too. Lucas......omg...so extremely cute. What a wonderful little boy. It was emotional to see all of them but really so nice....I have felt very cut off from people that were such a huge everyday part of my life for so many years. Oh and of course snuggling Lucas is huge therapy. We watched part of the Lily Dale special. I will finish watching it at mom's tomorrow. We are batting around the idea of going there for a weekend. Me, Trish and another mother in our sucky club, Linda. She lost her daughter right after Trish lost Jackson. I hate to say lost....they are not lost....we are. I think it would be a pretty awesome weekend. Whenever they can go I will definitely tag along. They both have little kids so they have more planning to do!
Oh Jeddie, you and your little buddy Jackson were very much with us today. Thank you so much for all the incredible people that I have met because of you. You have given me some wonderful friends....thank you. Missing you. My heart hurts and the tears are always ready to pour. The ache of not being able to take care of you, see you, talk to you and hold your hand is just about unbearable. I want you home...but I know you are whole, healthy, happy and doing all the things you didn't get to do here....so, as much as I want you here with me.I know you are better where you are. Keep giving me signs....haven't had a quarter in awhile but I get all the little number signs you give me constantly all day. Thank god for that because I wouldn't make it if I wasn't sure that you were still around me. I also love how you talk to me through others...keep it up! I know..I'm pretty needy. Oh Jed...my lovely friend....Mommy Loves you...always.
Love J & K

Jed....St John 2002

Jed253
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Love this picture. He was best man in Adam's wedding. He had such a great time on the island. He slept in my arms like a baby at dinner the night of the wedding. He was so tired....we got to the villa 20 mins before the wedding started! He loved the pool, the hot tub and the beach.
Anyway. Did my usual today...floated for a bit. Mom and Grace and I hung out at the pool.
Then I had an appointment with Tammy..haven't seen her in awhile. I just babble for an hour...but it's good!
Mom found a mini red rose bush for the cemetery to replace the one someone stole. I planted it across from the white one I planted the other day. They look nice. Watch out rose bush stealers ....there are people keeping an eye on these. My cousin Keith said he came by the other day...doing "rose bush patrol"!
There was a documentary on HBO last night about Lily Dale NY. I do not get HBO but Casey text me to tell me about it, I text Grace so she could watch it and text mom so she would dvr it for me. I was sitting here last night and Casey and Grace were texting me the whole time...it was funny. I hope to get to watch it tomorrow after I get back from visiting Trish and Lucas. I think Savannah is going with me and nurse Jill with her son will be there too.
I want to go back to Lily Dale but if I am going to spend money I don't have on a medium I will wait until I can go see George Anderson...I really really need to see him. I have 1 more book to read and then I will have read all of his stuff. He is amazing. one of these days I will go see him.
My Gram Buckley is in the hospital. She has had some mini strokes. There is a chance she won't come home....I don't believe that. She is pretty stubborn. I want to tell her though that when she sees Jed she needs to send me a message....but she is really not together enough mentally to understand what I 'm saying right now. I was thinking about this, her dying (not that she is right now) it is sad because she is my Dad's mom and my Gram, I lived with her for years and spent a lot of my summers with her but it is also pretty cool. I know that sounds horrible but she is very unhappy here, she is not able to take care of herself and she has a son over there that she has not seen for almost 60 yrs I think. Johnny died when he was a baby. He was born with a defective heart and was between my dad and his brother in age. So after all these years she will get to see her son....she also has not seen her mom and husband since I was 15.....21 years...wow I would be excited if I was her. I know...twisted but hey....we know I am.
So that is my rambling for tonight. pretty random...oh well.
Baby Love, I am missing you so very much. I will see Trish tomorrow and I know you and Jackson will be there.....
Oh Jeddie, I hope my life flies by....hurry hurry....then i can be with you always. Mommy Loves you Sweat pea
Love J & k

August 2009 Assateague Island

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Jed checkin' out the waves.
I had breakfast with my Dad today. After that Savannah and I went to Grace's and Mom met us there with Livi-Mac. The Mac only hung for a bit. She was confused because her feet did not touch the bottom of the pool like the little pool at her house. She floated for a bit then was ready to head out. Mom will meet us down there tomorrow...sans small child.
I really feel like I am just floating out here...Jed was my purpose. I feel kind of disconnected. I have always been a bit spacey....my head is just always somewhere else but now it's so much worse. I have to say I really don't care though...I kind of like it. It's like my own little world....sort of.
Anyway...in real life. Poor Danny. It was so horrible at work today and today and tomorrow they have Mandatory overtime!!! How freakin' stupid is that. I think Jed intervened today though. The company finally gave out some cold drinks at 4:15 pm... (we start at 7:30) at 4:20 the power went out ...all over York!!! So of course they all were sent home. Dan said when those fans stopped it was almost impossible to breathe. Yuck
I know I had something that I wanted to write about but I have forgotten. oh well!
I am missing my guy. So much so I have trouble breathing when I think about it too much.
Baby Jed....Mommy Loves you
Love J & K

Jed 2003 Make a Wish trip

Jed173
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

This is Jed on the boat headed to swim with the dolphins. He was not as thrilled as Savannah was to swim with them! Look at that smile. He even danced and did the limbo on that boat!
Last night when Savannah and I went to water our grass seed we realized that someone had taken my mini red rose bush I had over there. They left all the quarters and the light thank goodness but they took my freaking rose. This evening I went to 5 different places looking for another....nope, only yellow and pink. I finally found a white one. I brought it back and Danny and I planted it. I will keep looking until I find a red one and I will plant it on the other side. I hope whoever took it REALLY needed a mini red rose.
Savannah, Mom and I floated with Grace today. It is pretty hot!
Harley used to put out huge tubs of ice with water and gatorade and add 5 mins to our breaks and lunch. Of course now we are having a huge heat wave and they are acting like the weather is perfect in there. They don't want to waste the money on the people that make them their money. BUT they did take ALL the salary people to a country club to celebrate the 4th of july!!!! HAHAHAHA what a flippin joke. So glad I am out of there and can't wait for Danny to be out too.
I am however slightly overwhelmed by all the changes I am expected to make now. I really really just want to do nothing....forever. Even just the thought of trying to get everything started and get into school full time makes me nauseous. Then to look ahead far enough to figure out what I am supposed to do to make a living and actually not hate it...it is almost just too much. I know I am not doing much at the moment but it is the planning and thinking about it all that is so overwhelming. I see people that are living these pretty great lives, comfortable, fairly healthy & normal but they bitch and whine. I just want to scream at them. I guess you truly do not appreciate what you have until it's gone and I would never want anyone to live with the "gone" that I live with. I know enough of us living with this pain...there are too many.
Anyway enough whining for one evening. I am aware that hanging in the pool for the afternoon is nothing to complain about.
Baby Jed, I think of you every second of every day and every minute of every night. You are in my heart and on my mind forever. I am missing you so, so much.
Mommy Loves you
Love J & K

Jed and Savannah...back in the day!

Jed119
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

This was in March of 1998 I think. Jed was about 6 months and Savannah was almost 7. If you look really hard you can see Walter in the back round.
Danny and I watered the grass seed this morning and then spent a few hours floating at Grace and Jim's. We came home and just chilled this evening. I made a baby blanket a few days ago from some pretty pink fabric I had. I have been looking online for more fabric...fabric is VERY expensive. It's ridiculous.
Savannah is home from the harbor. She said the Baltimore fireworks kinda sucked. Welp there is a recession and Baltimore is suffering. She also said the sirens didn't stop all night. They do have a slight murder issue also.
She and I are headed back over to water the grass seed some more. Damn stuff just does not want to grow!
I have a friend, a fellow cancer kid mom. Her name is Emma and she lives on Long Island. We have never met but she has been a constant source of support for probably at least a year. She sent me a message today relaying a series of 3 quarter stories. She said she is positive it was Jed that orchestrated these events. 1st, she was at Dorney Park (a water park) with her kids and her middle son, Zachary, a cancer survivor noticed a funnel cake shop. She said he could go check out the shop. When he got to it he bent down and picked up a quarter that was lying there in front of the shop. He gave it to his mom and said he wanted her to have it. Her next quarter encounter; she was shopping at costco with her family and Zachary wanted a bottle of water out of the vending machine. She gave him 50 cents but the machine didn't dispense the water and kept one of his quarters. Emma didn't have another quarter on her but the man standing behind them said here young man this is for you and he handed him a quarter. The man was wearing a Family Guy T-shirt!
The last story: Emma was coming out of Target and there was a quarter next to the car parked next to her. She bent to pick it up and the the letters on the license plate were JD. She said she really felt Jed was using her to send me some love and to let me know he is still here. I completely agree. Because he knows how much she has supported me and she prays for Jed and I everyday.... he knew she would know it was him. Very cool. Good job Jeddie. Thanks Emma!
Jeddie, I am missing you and my heart is aching but knowing you are here and sending me love through others is wonderful. Mommy loves you baby Jed.....and I cannot wait to see you. Come see me in my dreams
Love J & K
Oh Savannah wanted me to pass the word that we are looking for someone to donate color copying/printing for the luncheon programs. also we are still looking for silent auction items...electronics and a weekend vacation stay or really anything!
thank you all in advance.
We will also be taking pre-orders for our T-shirts soon. When I get one I will post a picture of it. :)

Jed, Mommo and Livi-Mac labor day 2009 at Bob and Sharon's house.
We went back to Bob and Sharon's today for the 4th of July. It was nice..just not the same as with Jeddie. but what is...nothing really. Adam had a slip n slid..the kids loved it. Livi- Mac would only get wet if she was naked. When your 2...naked is an option...one that should be exercised at whim. The Mac knows that. She was naked for quite a bit. Fun..but only a shadow of what it would have been with Jed there.
I have been stressing about the holidays...I know they are far away but I really do not want to go through them. We were trying to plan Thanksgiving on St John. That was the goal Jed and I set. We wanted to spend Thanksgiving 2010 celebrating on St John. I wanted to honor that but it was causing stress among the family as we tried to figure out how to afford to go. Danny Savannah and I were just going to go alone but I knew that was not what Jed wanted. So I guess we will do that another year...just not this one. Instead Savannah Danny and I are going to St. Croix. Danny's nephew and his wife live there with their 2 little boys. They have graciously offered to have us stay with them for the holiday. It is perfect. Completely different and separate from anything I have done or was planning to do with Jed. Far away from our regular Thanksgiving....Jed's favorite holiday. Our tickets are booked and so is our rental car...we are ready. I think it will be a good thing. Russ and Kate are great people. Their company, Graphic Consulting, http://vigeocon.com/373.html does something that I don't think I quite understand. Environmental impact assessment, Natural resource and land use planning....lots of other important stuff ....they are all super educated and extremely smart. They also are super nice. We can't wait to see them and play with their 2 cute little boys, Azure and Elan. I love that we are staying with locals...they always know the best parts of the island. I think it will be good. Lots of chillin'. My favorite thing though was the look on Savannah's face when I told her Kate told me that they "sometimes" have hot water :) Can't wait to see Savannah living like a hippie! She will love it.
Now I just have to figure out a way to make it through Christmas. I will try to not worry about that for awhile. ...try. Tomorrow I think we will go bug Grace and float in her pool.
Savannah and Kyle went to the harbor to watch the fireworks. They will be home tomorrow. She was all excited because their hotel upgraded them to the suite!! My brother always gets upgraded too...me..not so much! Oh well! She was very happy!
Missing you Jeddie Spaghetti. My heart hurts. Being without you is constant pain and sadness and loneliness. I try to only think of the the fun times and your sweet funny smile but then I always end up thinking about how much we were together...how it was ALWAYS you and me. When everyone else was busy or tired or whatever, you and I were together. My life was being with you...now I am without you. You were my tether, you kept me grounded and gave me a purpose. Finding a reason to get up everyday and keep going is extremely hard.
Mommy Loves you baby Jed....
Love J & K

Jed with his second family DJ Connor Dave and Morgan...July 4th 2008
Jed was so happy that we saw them...and that he got fries!

Today has been 6 months. I woke up at exactly 6:30 this morning, 6 months ago at that time I was kissing my son for the last time. Oh my.....just...oh my.
Danny and I went to Moon Dancer winery for a bit today...they are having a blues festival this weekend. I saw Alecia...she lives on the other side of the grapes. We drank some sweet peach wine...It was really good. We then went to the pub on the golf course and had dinner on the patio. the weather is beautiful...we were on the bike.
DJ called and invited me to watch the fireworks with them. It was super nice of him. I didn't go though. I have taken Jed every year to see them....I didn't want to see them without him.
Jeddie....I can't even write about how much I miss you tonight. I need to be with you. Mommy loves you sweet pea
Love J & K

Gram Savannah and Jed summer 2000

Jed124
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

This was after a week at the beach....everyone was healthy and happy.
I saw Gram today. She looks great. Aunt Paula and Uncle Rick came up to see her...Mom, Savannah and I met them for lunch. Always very good to see them. Of course I was missing Jed. There is just such a huge hole ...everywhere I go and with everything I do.
I think that's all for now.
Jeddie, oh my Jeddie, it is so hard to put words to how missing you feels. Everyday I wake up ....I am amazed...how can anyone feel like this day after day....and keep waking up? I am missing you.....just so much. Mommy loves you baby Jed....more than any words could ever say.
Love J & K

Savannah's tattoo...

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Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

Did I post this before? I think I did but I don't really remember...well if I did now you get to look at it again. :)
Not much going on. The weather is beautiful....if it was late September. I hope it warms up soon. Sorry worker people!
Lunch tomorrow with Gram and Aunt Paula and Uncle Rick.
Savannah and I are still watering our grass seed daily...no sign of greenness yet. We put more on yesterday....Just in case it needed some more.
Today at work Danny was playing with his phone and looking at stock prices. For some reason...he did not know why...he clicked on an article about the condo market falling. He called me and told me to look the article up. When I did I told him " I don't want to buy a condo. He said "read the last paragraph". Now let me tell you, the article was boring and the fact that Danny read the whole thing was weird. Anyway, the last paragraph was a quote about the condo market from a financial analyst....named Jed Smith :) I told Danny that was Jed's way of saying hello.
Hi Jed...we are missing you baby love. It is so great when you remind us that you are here with us. It still does not seem real, this whole nightmare really does not seem like it could be real. UGH. I cannot wait to see you....hurry up life..lets get moving.
Mommy Loves you
Love J & K