Savannah and I were with Grace today in the pool. There was a little butterfly that had been flying around my head. It went to Grace and flew all around her, practically up her nose, It landed on her head and just sat there a few different times. It really was messing with her. It was very funny. So like Jed...who would pick on her in the pool. The butterfly flew around Savannah and then around me and we thought it was gone. I got out and it was sitting on my towel. I stood there for a long time and it just sat there. I went to get my phone to take a picture and it flew to the book I was reading and sat on it. Look at the title of the book...and what it is about....and the cover picture....it stayed for a long time and then it just flew off and didn't come back. (my butterfly is the little thing at the top of the book over the A in Anderson....not the big monarch in the picture) Jed is getting very good at this. It is pretty cool. I love it.
I got my acceptance letter from HACC...our local area community college. WHoohoo...aahh pretty funny. Do they NOT accept some people? I don't think so. I have been wondering how I will do having more than one class at a time. Keeping things straight is not my strong point....it never was, now it is much worse. Today as we were running around Savannah asked me to go through dunkin' donuts drive thru. So I pulled into the drive thru line.....at the bank. When I finally did make it to the dunkin' donuts line... the girl gave me the change & I almost drove off before getting Savannah's breakfast.
Last night I was sitting here and Savannah says "are you even breathing?" She asked me what I was thinking about and I swear it was absolutely nothing...I was so blank I wasn't even breathing. I sometimes do that..I used to do it at work often. I'd feel light headed and a bit sick and not know why,,,all of a sudden it would occur to me that I am not getting enough oxygen to my brain. it's amazing how a few deep breaths clear your head sometimes. I know I know...weird... are you shocked...I think not.
Tonight I went over and was going to water my rose bushes but when I got there I realized the grass needed to be trimmed...not my grass seed grass...that has not grown....the weedy grass that was there. Savannah brought Danny's little weed whacker over for me and I trimmed everything. Then I trimmed the rose bushes and watered them. Tomorrow I am going to the store, getting more seed and this stuff that you sprinkle on it that helps control the moisture and helps it grow. I will not give up my quest for good grass. That stupid dirt does not understand that I WILL make it grow grass.
I had a very not nice moment today....it only happened it my head but still.....I heard that a boy who was sick around the time Jed was sick the very first time is celebrating 4 yrs off treatment. Of course my immediate thought was oh wow sooo awesome, I got a bit teary eyed thinking of how great that is.....then I had my not nice thought....I was pissed. WTF... I WANT THAT...with MY SON. Why does that family...that kid.. get to celebrate and we are living this hell. I went through the "who the F decides this crap" and the "it's not F'n fair" & "maybe I should have done this or that" Blah blah blah.....I know better. I know Jed was only supposed to be here for 12 years he taught many people many things and he brought many people together. He did amazing things. He also changed the view a lot of nurses and Docs had about pain meds....not enough of them but some. Which is wonderful because it could sometimes be such an argument to get pain meds. My favorite answer when he would ask a few certain nurses for his meds, "why don't I come back in 10 minutes and see if you still need it" AAAAHHHH, that one would really send me off! Jed helped fix a lot of that. Anyway I have my beliefs as to what Jed came here for and I know it is a divine plan BUT I still get a bit pissed...I'm working on that. I just miss my son....so so much...this is torture,,,,it sucks
Jeddie Mommy Loves you......always always always. Come see me in my dreams
Love J & K