Jed at Dover race track...he was 5

Jed127
Originally uploaded by kbuckley69

I love this snap and point coolness thing. He was lovin' that day. It was Danny's 50th birthday gift but they broke all the rules and put Jed in a race car! The driver said "don't worry I will go slow and stay on the apron", I said, "Jed likes to go fast". Dear god the next thing I know he is flying around the track at over 100mph! They even had a big booster seat thing so the harness would fit him and he could see out. It was very cool! We stayed in this dumpy hotel, the only one with a vacancy, Jed said, "this is the best hotel I have ever stayed in"..poor guy! And we did his favorite thing..ordered dominos!! yes it was a classy weekend. Jed and Danny LOVED it!!!
I got "the word" today. It is official, the layoff is voluntary. They will come around 2 weeks before the end of June and you can put your name on the list...if you do then you are gone after the end of June!!! Yes I am GOING!!!! Scary but exciting. I have an appointment at HACC on June 29th to find out about their legal studies program. I would love to stay at PSU but when I have to pay for my own education....I gotta go with the cheaper one...and there is a huge price difference. I am hoping to get my bach degree from PSU in a few years but for now this fall I hope to be a HACC student. Now I have to figure out how unemployment stuff works. I have never filed for that before. oh yay.
Today started out yucky. I just felt like I had had enough....and then I got the layoff news....I feel a bit better now.
Baby Love, I am struggling with the missing you...I try very hard to stay above it all and not think too deeply about how my future looks. I cannot even write down the painful, hard truth. I do not know how I will do this but I know I have too. The strength and depth of what I share with you I don't think others could ever fully comprehend and because of that I know there are not many people that understand what I am living with....the separation from you is almost intolerable. The fight to get through every day...and night is exhausting. The work it takes to not let my mind go to all the bad things that happened, all you suffered and the things I wish I had done differently really is A LOT of work. I focus on your smile, laugh, smart comments, eye rolls and giggles. They are painful but beautiful. I feel your love and your guidance...without that I would never make it. Oh Jeddie. This sucks. I don't understand it and I don't like it. UGH
Mommy loves you baby Jed
Love J & k